


The "Find Jean Kirschtein the love of his life" Cause

by orphan_account



Series: the "find jean kirschtein the love of his life" cause [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gayer than Gay, Humor, M/M, Reibert - Freeform, Texting, Winmin - Freeform, an abnormal amount of sweating, armin and erwin are tom felton fangirls, bertholdt is a meme lord, chats about le gay sex at some point, ereri, find Jean Kirschtein the love of his life cause, harry potter fangirling, jeanmarco, lots of gay, maybe too much gay to handle, mikannie - Freeform, springles - Freeform, that story with the loaf joke, whacking out the old wangerflanger, whole lotta gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-31
Updated: 2016-12-10
Packaged: 2018-05-30 07:04:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 22,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6413812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hilariousness, gayness, Mikasa's typing inability, JeanMarco and the loaf joke all in one clusterfuck of a chat.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_**New chat: FIND JEAN KIRSCHTEIN THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE** _

 

 _ **Potatoes FTW** _ **:** _**HELLO CHILDREN** _

 

_**gayer than gay: WE'RE IN THE SAME FUCKING ROOM** _

 

_**Historia: Ymir, play nice!** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: Why are we finding jean's “love of his life"**_

 

_**Potatoes FTW:** **because he asKed** _

 

_**Aang (C-dog) : NONONO LAST TIME I SET HIM UP W/ THIS CRAZY GIRLFRIEND** _

 

_**gayer than gay: HE TOLD US AND I COULDN'T STOP LAUGHING** _

 

_**Aang (C-dog): Oh my god** _

 

_**Historia: You're so mean smh** _

 

_**gayer than gay: But you love it ;)** _

 

_**Short, angry, chihuahua man: Why though** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: he's lonely? I don't know** _

_**THE GAY HULK: HE'S NOT HAD SEX IN LIKE TWO YEARS** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: OH MY FUCKING GOD SERIOUSLY** _

 

_**gayer than gay:** **DDUDE** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: OH MY GOD** _

 

_**Short, angry, chihuahua man: That's a really long fucking time** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: REINER NO** _

 

_**Aang (C-dog): WOWOWOWOW** _

_**Potatoes FTW: anYwAY,,** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: wait where's annie** _

 

_**Nose queen: I'm right here** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: SO WE CAN GET STARTED GREAT!** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: does anyone have any suggestions to who we could set our horse up w/ ?** _

 

_**gayer than gay: Does he have any preferences? Girls? Boys?** _

_**Potatoes FTW: I actually don't know** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: either should be fine I think ??** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: I remember once he commented on some guy's ass saying that it was, “totally bangable”** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: Like you ;)** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: FFUCK** _

 

_**Historia: Please keep those conversations away from us thanks**_

 

_**THE GAY HULK: ALSO HE'S BEEN SAYING THIS GUY'S NAME IN HIS DREAMS LOADS** _

_**Potatoes FTW: OooOoOoOoOoO** _

 

**_Aang (C-dog): IS OUR JEANBO A HOMO_ **

**_gayer than gay: I fuckin' hope so_ **

__

_**gayer than gay:**   **Most of us are gay as FuCK** _

 

_**Nose queen: WAIT WHERE'S MIKASA AND ARMIN** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: OH NO I FORGOT TO ADD THEM** _

 

_**Aang (C-dog): SASH A** _

 

_**Nose queen: hhHhh** _

 

_**Nose queen added MikASSa and Legout to the chat** _

 

_**MikASSa: hello?** _

 

_**Legout: hello,, it's me** _

 

_**Historia: NOBODY HAS ACTUALLY SAID THAT UNTIL THEN WHY** _

 

_**Legout: I FEEL SPECIAL** _

 

_**MikASSa: WAIT WE'RE FINDING JEAN THE LOAF OF HIS LIFE IM SO FUCKING READY** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: loaf** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: OH MY GOD** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: Levi, I just wanna say that I loaf you** _

 

_**Short, angry, chihuahua man: I loaf you too, my delightfully exasperating brat** _

_**THE GAY HULK:** **BERTL YOU'RE THE LOAF OF MY LIFE** _

 

_**MikASSa: ohmygodstOP** _

 

_**MikASSa: IM NOT GOOD AT TYPINF** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: HONESTLY I LOAF YOU GUYS SO MUCH** _

 

_**gayer than gay: LOAF YOU TOO, BUT NOT AS MUCH AS I LOAF HISTORIA** _

 

_**Historia: Loaf you!** _

 

_**Nose queen: It's okay Mika, I still loaf you, although you have an inability to type correctly** _

 

_**Legout: OKAY STOP NOW MIKASA'S TYPING INABILITY HAS BEEN DRAINED OF IT'S HILARIOUSNESS** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: But has it actually?** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: Also you're the loaf of my life too, Reiner** _

 

_**MikASSa: YES NOW PLS STOP** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: Okay okay** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: LET THE SEARCH FOR JEAN'S LOAF OF HIS LIFE COMMENCE** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: suggestions?** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: OKAY WHAT ABOUT** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK** **: THOMAS WAGNER** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: Depends, what does he look like?** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: Blonde, brown eyes, sideburns** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: NO** _

 

_**gayer than gay: NO** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: HAHAHAHA NOPE** _

 

_**Historia: NO THANKS** _

 

_**Short, angry, chihuahua man: WHAT THE FUCK NO** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: FUCKING NO** _

 

_**MikASSa: Maybe?** _

 

_**Legout: NO** _

 

_**Nose queen: lmaNO** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: I'm taking that as a no then** _

 

_**Aang (C-dog): I DIDN'T GET TO VOTE** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: your vote wouldn't have made a difference ??** _

 

_**Aang (C-dog): True** _

 

_**Nose queen: Mina Carolina?** _

 

_**Aang (C-dog): hhahahahahahahahhahahahanope** _

 

_**Nose queen: Why not? She's cute, perky and cheerful** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: Connie set Jean up with Mina before** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: I DIDN'T LIKE HER SHE MADE ME SWEAT WITH FEAR** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: You're always sweating tho** _

 

_**Nose queen: true** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: you're our lil sweaty son** _

 

_**Short, angry, chihuahua man: when are you /not/ sweating** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: EREN IM OLDER AND TALLER THAN YOU HOW AM I YOUR  "LIL SON"**_

 

_**Jaeger bomb: you just are** **shush**_

 

_**MikASSa: seriously thou why do you sweat so much** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: it's a conditioN** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: STD** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: sweating 'till death** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: OH MY GOD** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: BERTL HONEY** _

 

_**Nose queen: uH** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT OH GOD** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: I DON'T HAVE AN STD** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: GUYS HE'S SWEATING EVEN MORE** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: WAIT I GOT A SUGGESTION FOR SOMEONE** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: WHOWHOWHO** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: Do you remember Hannah from college?  
** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: OHMYHOD SHE'D BE PERFECT** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: SHE'S PRETTY, INTELLIGENT AND FUNNY** _

 

_**Nose queen: And engaged** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: oh** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: Did you guys not know? She's engaged to Franz** _

 

_**Aang (C-dog): DAMMIT FRANZ WAS GOING TO BE MY NEXT SUGGESTION** _

 

_**Short, angry, chihuahua man: How long is this going to take I want to cuddle w/ my brat** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: CANT WE JUST CUDDLE WHILE DOING THIS** _

 

_**Short, angry, chihuahua man: what if we do other things** _

 

_**Short, angry, chihuahua man: I mean, I wouldn't mind if we texted them while doing /that/, but they might be uncomfortable** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: OH** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: Keepin' the romance alive** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: Shut up you're probably fucking bertholdt right now** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: I CAN GUARENTEE THAT WE ARE NOT HAVING SEX RIGHT NOW** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: ;))))))))** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY MORE SUGGESTIONS** _

 

_**gayer than gay: I have one??** _

 

_**gayer than gay: None of you have met him apart from Historia though** _

 

_**gayer than gay: I think** _

 

_**gayer than gay: He's my cousin** _

 

_**gayer than gay: And I think he's perfect for Jean** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: TELL ME MORE TELL ME MORE** _

 

_**MikASSa: was it love at first sight?** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: TELL ME MORE TELL ME MORE** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: did she put up a fight?** _

 

_**Legout: TOOK HER BOWLING IN THE ARCADE** _

_**THE GAY HULK: WE WENT STROLLING, DRANK LEMONADE** _

 

_**Short, angry, chihuahua man: I DESPISE GREASE STOP** _

 

_**Historia: WHAT** _

 

_**Historia: HOW CAN YOU HATE GREASE** _

 

_**gayer than gay: HE HAS FRECKLES (like me ;) ), BLACK HAIR AND IS TALL** _

 

_**gayer than gay: NOT BERTHOLDT TALL BUT TALL** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: WAIT IS THAT MARCO** _

 

_**gayer than gay: YES ?? HOW DID YOU KNOW** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: I WORK W/ HIM** _

 

_**Historia: how nice !!** _

 

_**Historia: honestly though, Marco is so sweet and funny !** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: JEAN ALREADY PRACTICALLY DROOLS OVER HIM** _

 

_**gayer than gay: THAT'S A GOOD SIGN** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: MARCO IS AN ANGEL** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: we've ran into him at our closest coffee shop and he's so nice** _

 

_**P** **otatoes FTW: ALRIGHT SO JEANMARCO IS A GO** _


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there's an argument to what the best song from any of the "Shrek" movies are and "the smols" are decided. Also, Bertholdt, Reiner, Ymir, Historia and Sasha spy on Marco and Jean.

_**THE GAY HULK: guys oh my god Jean's getting ready to go on his date fffuck** _

 

_**Historia: !!** _

 

_**gayer than gay: IM SO EXCITED** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: MY SWEET BABY ABOUT TO GO ON HIS FIRST DATE** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: It isn't his first date though** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: shhhhhh** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: I wonder if they'll, you know, whack out the old wangerflanger** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: WANGERFLANGER IM DYING** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: OH MY GO D** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: I CANT BREATHE** _

 

_**gayer than gay: she literally can't breathe tho she's rolling around on the floor** _

 

_**gayer than gay: WAIT AREN'T WE MEANT TO TAKE MARCO 'N' JEAN TO THE RESTRAUNT SO THEY CAN MEET THERE** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: CRAP** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: deary me** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: we can take our Jeanbo and you guys can take sweet lil Marco if that's easier** _

 

_**Historia: how nice of you to offer !! thank you, that would be great !** _

 

_**gayer than gay: then we can sPY ON THEM** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: YES** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: NO** _

 

_**Historia: hhHh** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: YES** _

 

_**Nose queen: dear lord** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: I WANT TO COME ALONG BOO** _

 

_**Short, angry, chihuahua man: you have a fucking dog to look after** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: CAN'T WE GET THAT CREEPY OLD GUY ACROSS THE ROAD TO TAKE CARE OF PRINCESS** _

 

_**gayer than gay: I STILL HAVEN'T GOT OVER THAT FUCKING NNAME** _

 

_**MikASSa: ern no what if you get caught ?** _

 

_**MikASSa: EREN*** _

 

_**Legout: ERN** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: ern !!** _

 

_**Short, angry, chihuahua man: Ern, I loaf you** _

 

_**MikASSa: DEAR LORD NOT LOAF AGAIN** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: Reiner, I really do loaf you, you know that ?  
** _

 

_**Legout: if only I had someone to loaf *sigh*** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: I don't know why but suddenly all star by smash mouth came into my head ??** _

 

_**Aang (C-dog): HEY NOW** _

 

_**Legout: YOU'RE AN ALL STAR** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: GET YOUR GAME ON** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: GO PLAY** _

 

_**Nose queen: isn't that the song from shrek** _

 

_**MikASSa: PERSONALLY I THINK THE BEST SONG FROM ANY OF THE SHREK MOVIES IS ACCIDENTALLY IN LOVE** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: OH MY GOD YYES** _

 

_**gayer than gay: ITS ALL STAR DAMMIT** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: BUT ACCIDENTALLY IN LOVE IS SUCH A GREAT SONG** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: I agree with ymir all star is the fuCKING BEST** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: REALLY** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: WHY WERE YOU NOT SINGING THAT WHILE BAKING EARLIER** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: I** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: YOU HEARD THAT** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: we live in the same apartment** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: Jean probably heard you too do you realise that** _

_**THE GAY HULK: sshi t** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: I've just realised** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: what if things go rly well and the smols actually want to get their wangerflangers out** _

 

_**Legout: who are “the smols”** _

 

_**Legout: can I be a smol** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: jeanbo + angel boy** _

 

_**gayer than gay: they're not smol ??  
** _

 

_**gayer than gay: historia and armin are tho** _

 

_**Legout: DOES THIS MEAN I CAN BE A SMOL** _

 

_**Historia: AM I A SMOL THEN** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: jean, marco, armin + historia are the smols** _

 

_**Nose queen: (although two aren't smol)** _

 

_**Legout: yyAY** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: smol cinnamon roll** _

 

_**Short, angry, chihuahua man: IM FUCKING SMALL** _

 

_**Short, angry, chihuahua man: WHY AM I NOT A FUCKING SMOL** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: because you're literally just terrifying** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: all the smols (except horseface) are cute 'n' adorable** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: srsly tho what if the first smols want to whack out the wangerflangers** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: we could drive them back anyway?** _

 

_**gayer than gay: MAKE THEM TAKE A CAB** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: OKAY THEY'LL TAKE A CAB** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: oh** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: what if they come here though** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: jean's heard us many times + takes it gracefully when he finds out that we had relations on the couch I think it'll be okay** _

 

_**Legout: what about if you “have relations” in the kitchen** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: we don't tell him ;)** _

 

_**Aang (C-dog): and I'm never going in /your/ kitchen again** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: WE DONT HAVE SEX IN THE KITCHEN** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: ONLY IN THE BEDROOM AND OCCASIONALLY ON THE COUCH** _

 

_**Aang (C-dog): PLEASE I'VE /SEEN/ YOU DO IT IN OTHER PLACES** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: I've seen you guys in the kitchen ??  
** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: WWHAT** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: WHY DIDN'T WE HEAR YOU** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: you're REALLY loud** _

 

_**MikASSa: when eren, armin + I walked in on you two armin screamed and you didn't hear him** _

 

_**Legout: and have you heard me scream?** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: well no** _

 

_**Aang (C-dog) : jean even told me that you got noise complaints once** _

 

_**gayer than gay: seriously?** _

 

_**Aang (C-dog): unfortunately** _

 

_**Nose queen: BERTHOLDT HOOVER** _

 

_**Nose queen: ARE YOU A FUCKING SCREAMER** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: I** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: aw bertie is sweating even more** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: it's like niagra falls is falling from his face** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: SHUT UP** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: it's his STD** _

 

_**Short, angry, chihuahua man: what** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: please don't bring that up again** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: (“sweating 'till death”)** _

 

_**Short, angry, chihuahua man: that is certainly not what that means but** _

 

_**Short, angry, chihuahua man: also ern get your fucking brat ass in here and look after /your/ dog** _

 

_**MikASSa: my typing inability isn't funny anymorE** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: it will always be hilarious, mika** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: accept that** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: also technically it's your dog too levi** _

 

_**Short, angry, chihuahua man: you wanted princess in the first place now get your ass in here before I drag it in here** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: HhHhh** _

 

_**Short, angry, chihuahua man: I'll kiss you if you get in here now** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: AND HERE I COME** _

 

_**Historia: I love your dog ?? why wouldn't you want to look after it ??** _

 

_**gayer than gay: because eren's a lazy shit** _

 

_**Short, angry, chihuahua man: that I cannot argue with** _

 

_**Short, angry, chihuahua man: but he's /my/ lazy shit** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: aw !!  
** _

 

_**Short, angry, chihuahua man: you guys do realise that if you lay a fucking hand on eren I will eviscerate you** _

 

_**MikASSa: that's my job ??  
** _

 

_**Nose queen: you handed your responsibilities at being eren's guard over to shorty when you let him move out** _

 

_**MikASSa: MY APARTMENT IS STILL LONELY** _

 

_**Nose queen: I LITERALLY VISIT EVERYDAY AND SLEEP OVER ALMOST EVERY NIGHT** _

 

_**MikASSa: but you're not here rn and I'm lonely :(** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: cute !! coupley !! stuff !!** _

 

_**Nose queen: we should literally just move in together** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: I'm flattered but,,** _

 

_**Nose queen: not you potato girl** _

 

_**MikASSa: really?** _

 

_**Nose queen: we practically live together already ??** _

 

_**MikASSa: okay then !!** _

 

_**MikASSa: I HAVE SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO HhhhH** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: it's things like this that make me want a relationship** _

 

_**Legout: uh? what about connie?** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: WE'RE NOT DATING** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: WE'RE JUST FRIENDS** _

 

_**gayer than gay: (w/ benefits)** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: WE'VE SLEPT TOGETHER TWICE** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: AND BOTH TIMES WE WERE DRUNK AS HELL** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: AND THEY WEREN'T /THAT/ RECENTLY** _

 

_**Aang (C-dog): why do you guys think we're dating** _

 

_**Aang (C-dog): we're literally the farthest thing from boyfriend/girlfriend** _

 

_**gayer than gay: no, armin + eren are** _

 

_**gayer than gay: you guys are like “very-almost-bf-gf-but-too-fucking-wimpy-to-admit-it”  
** _

 

_**Legout: f u n f a c t– eren & I dated in high school for a little while** _

 

_**Historia: I didn't know that ??  
** _

 

_**Aang (C-dog): did you actually** _

 

_**Aang (C-dog): WHERE DID BERTL + REINER GO** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: they've whacked out their wangerflangers** _

 

_**gayer than gay: OH MY GGOD** _

 

_**Historia: whoaAa,, where did reibert go,,** _

 

_**Historia: (and ereri and mikannie)** _

 

_**gayer than gay: I think everyone's whacked out their wangerflangers** _

 

_**Aang (C-dog): mikasa + annie don't have wangerflangers tho** _

 

_**gayer than gay: ;)))))** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: and we're back** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: jean is so nervous it's fucking adorable** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: jeanbo ?? adorable ??** _

 

_**gayer than gay: I refuse to believe that the horse could be adorable** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: WAIT HOLD UP MIKASA AND ANNIE ARE MOVING IN TOGETHER HOLY SHIT** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: congratulations !!** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: ymir get your freckled ass in the car we have to go pick marco up and I don't know where he lives** _

 

_**gayer than gay: ugh** _

 

_**Historia: ymiR,,** _

 

_**gayer than gay: HISTORIA ARE YOU COMING TO SPY W/ US** _

 

_**Historia: yes bc you probably wouldn't let me stay at sasha's while you two go out** _

 

_**gayer than gay: what if someone breaks in and kidnaps you ??  
** _

 

_**gayer than gay: I really don't want that** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: BERTL GATHER JEANBO AND THROW HIM IN THE CAR** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: I dont want to throw him** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: nicely drag him and push him in the back seat of our car** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: you're stronger** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: fine I'll get him** _

 

_**Legout: why were they texting in the same room I** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: Reiner literally just shouted, “JEAN GET YOUR FUCKER ASS IN MY FUCKING CAR SO WE CAN GO AND GET YOU YO' MAN”** _

 

_**Legout: YO' MAN** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: it got him out of his bedroom though !!  
** _

_**THE GAY HULK: bertie you're better at driving will you drive us there** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: ffine** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: I'll give you a thank you bj later ;)** _

 

_**gayer than gay: nno** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: our jeanie boy looks so nervous oh my ggod** _

 

_**Historia: PLEASE CAN WE SEE I RLY WANT TO SEE JEANBO NERVOUS** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: anything for you ;)  
** _

 

_**gayer than gay: hhEY** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: [one image attached]** _

 

_**Historia: AW HE LOOKS SO SKITTISH** _

 

_**gayer than gay: freckled angel has entered our vehicle, I repeat, freckled angel has entered our vehicle** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: freckled jesus** _

 

_**gayer than gay: MARCO LOOKS RLY NERVOUS TOO AW** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: he was so nervous at work today it was adorable** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: it took everything I had not to tell him that he was going on a date w/ jean** _

 

_**Historia: okay so reibert and ereri are back** _

 

_**Historia: well eren at least** _

 

_**gayer than gay: now we just need to wait for mikannie to finish their thing ;))** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: have you left marco's yet** _

 

_**gayer than gay: “freckled angel has entered the vehicle” no no we drove into his fucking house and we're having a gr8 ol' cup of tea  
** _

 

_**Historia: you typed that very furiously** _

 

_**Historia: even marco turned around to see what you were doing** _

 

_**Aang (C-dog): IVE NEVER SEEN MARCO WHAT DOES HE LOOK LIKE** _

 

_**gayer than gay: a literal fucking angel** _

 

_**Historia: [one image attached]** _

 

_**Aang (C-dog): WELL TWIST MY NIPPLES AND CALL ME GERALD HE IS A VERY GOOD LOOKING DUDE** _

 

_**gayer than gay: I'D BE GLAD TO, GERALD** _

 

_**gerald !!: ffuck** _

 

_**gayer than gay: YOU EVEN CHANGED YOUR NAME WHAT** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: well then** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: I guess “C-dog” is now “Gerald”** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: connie no wyd** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: I named my dick gerald** _

 

_**gerald !!: WHAT** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: my dick is called gerald** _

 

_**Aang (C-dog): have your dick's name back** _

 

_**gayer than gay: you should have named it richard** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: why the fuck would I do that richard is a fucking boring name** _

 

_**gayer than gay: because then it can be called dick for short** _

 

_**Aang (C-dog): ohmygod** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: OH YMH DO** _

 

_**gayer than gay: WAIT SASHA AREN'T YOU DRIVING** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: yes ??  
** _

 

_**Historia: MARCO LOOKS SO SCARED** _

 

_**gayer than gay: FUCKING DRIVE DONT TEXT AND DRIVE** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: it's called multitasking** _

 

_**gayer than gay: nvm she swerved and put her phone down it's okay** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: I text while driving all the time it's not that bad** _

 

_**gayer than gay: YOU GET IN THE FUCKING DEATH CAR THEN** _

 

_**gayer than gay: YOU'RE PROBABLY BETTER AT DRIVING THAN SASHA IS** _

 

_**Historia: sasha isn't very good at driving !!** _

 

_**Aang (C-dog): I'm surprised she got her license at all tbh** _

 

_**Historia: so is everyone who has been in a car with sasha** _

 

_**gayer than gay: DID I EVER TELL YOU ABOUT THE TIME WHERE I WAS IN THE CAR WITH SASHA AND WE WERE DRIVING EREN TO ONE OF HIS FIRST DATES WITH SHORTY AND SHE LITERALLY JUST KEPT REACHING OVER (as she was driving) AND GETTING FOOD OUT OF HER GLOVE COMPARTMENT WHY** _

 

_**Short, angry, chihuahua man: excuse me? shorty?** _

 

_**gayer than gay: your name is literally “short, angry, chihuahua man”** _

 

_**Short, angry, chihuahua: well that doesn't fucking mean other people can call me “shorty”** _

 

_**Historia: ymir, apologise !!  
** _

 

_**gayer than gay: hhhH** _

 

_**gayer than gay: WAIT FUCK THE APOLOGY WE'RE HERE WE'RE HERE** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: WHAT DID I MISS WHILE I WAS DRIVING I DIDN'T HAVE THE CHANCE TO SCROLL UP** _

 

_**Historia: well reiner shouted “JEAN GET YOUR F*CKER ASS IN MY F*CKING CAR SO WE CAN GO AND GET YOU YO' MAN”, connie briefly changed his name to “gerald !!” before reiner revealed that his wangerflanger is called gerald, ymir told us a story and called levi “shorty”** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: wow** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: THE GAYS HAVE ARRIVED** _

 

_**Historia: reinier literally yanked jean out the car** _

 

_**Legout: what a good friend** _

 

_**Historia: armin !!** _

 

_**Legout: historia !!** _

 

_**Historia: okay so marco has got out the car** _

 

_**Historia: he looks surprised ??** _

 

_**Historia: so does jean is this good** _

 

_**Legout: do they look /happily/ surprised or /unhappily/ surprised** _

 

_**Historia: happily** _

 

_**Legout: it's all good !!** _

 

_**Historia: yay !!  
** _

 

_**Historia: MARCO KISSED HIM ON THE CHEEK AND NOW HE'S BLUSHING /EVEN MORE/** _

 

_**Legout: !! aw !!** _

 

_**Aang (C-dog): IVE NEVER SEEN JEAN BLUSH EXCEPT FROM WHEN HE HAD THAT HUGE ASS CRUSH ON MIKASA PICTURES PLEASE** _

 

_**Legout: yes please !!** _

 

_**Historia: [one image attached]** _

 

_**Historia: [one image attached]** _

 

_**Historia: [one imaged attached]** _

 

_**Legout: HhHhH** _

 

_**Legout: marco is tall definitely** _

 

_**Legout: REINER AND BERTL LOOK LIKE PROUD PARENTS IN THE BACKGROUND IM CRYING** _

 

_**Aang (C-dog): well reiner at least** _

 

_**Legout: FUCK ANYONE ELSE JEAN AND MARCO IS MY OTP** _

 

_**Aang (C-dog): the fuck is an otp** _

 

_**Historia: your “one true pairing”** _

 

_**Historia: basically your favourite ship** _

 

_**Aang (C-dog): ship??  
** _

 

_**Historia:[watch this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c61d72fpa4c)** _

 

_**Legout: dANISNOTONFIRE IS MY SHI T** _

 

**_Aang (C-dog): whenever anybody says "so-and-so is my shit" I always imagine them looking into the toilet after they've dropped a log and the shit is literally what they said was their shit_ **

 

**_Potatoes FTW: the smols have entered the restaurant_ **

 

**_THE GAY HULK: it's spying time ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_ **

 

**_Bertl Turtle: no not the lenny you used it in every text for weeks when you first got it_ **

 

**_THE GAY HULK: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_ **

 

**_Bertl Turtle: nno_ **

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> srsly though accidentally in love is the best song from any of the shrek movies and you can't convince me otherwise


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there's Bertholdt cross-dressing, Armin gets sent to the corner for not knowing a Star Wars character's actual name, and two new people get added to the chat.

_**THE GAY HULK: ALRIGHT SO THE JEANMARCO DATE IS A GO**_

__

_**Potatoes FTW: all we can hope now is that all goes well and by the end they want to whack out their wangerflangers** _

 

_**gayer than gay: waitwaitwait** _

 

_**gayer than gay: what happened to spying on them ??** _

 

_**gayer than gay: sasha didn't you bring disguises ??** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: OH YEAH** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: disguises ?? what ??** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: it's so they don't recognise us ;)** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: by the way bert ur dressing up as a sexy lady** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: i didnt sign up for this** _

 

_**gayer than gay: you're gonna make a fabulous woman, bertl** _

 

_**Historia: you're going to be so pretty !!** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: whoa whoa** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: bertie cross-dressing ??** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: now /that/ is something i dont mind ;)** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: reiner pls** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: why hello eren** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: you having fun with your dog ??** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: the dog was left alone for ten minutes while me and levi,,** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: y'know** _

 

_**gayer than gay: whacked out the wangerflangers** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: yyes** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: wait where's levi then** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: he went out w/ his friends rip** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: wait the one with the huge eyebrows, the sciencey one + the one who has that humongous crush on him ??** _

 

_**heichou: just eyebrows and shitty glasses tonight** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: who the fuck are you** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: OH HEY LEVI** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: how did you fucking know it was him** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: i call levi heichou a lot** _

 

_**heichou: in the bedroom, at least** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: ;)))** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: levilevilevi** _

 

_**heichou: whatbratwhatbratwhatbrat** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: do your friends have this app ??** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: YES THEY DO I'LL ADD THEM** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: YAY** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb added Commander Eyebrows and inthenameofscience to the chat** _

 

_**inthenameofscience: LEVI STOP BEING SO UNSOCIABLE DURING A DINNER W/ YOUR TWO BESTIES** _

 

_**Historia: GUYS BERTHOLDT LOOKS SO HOT RIGHT NOW** _

 

_**gayer than gay: normally id kill the person historia said was hot (besides me) buT HOLY FUCK SHE'S RIGHT** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: oH MY GOD BERTL DRESS LIKE THAT MORE OFTEN PLEASE FUCKING PLEASE** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: what** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: gUYS WE HAVE NEW PEOPL E** _

 

_**inthenameofscience: hellohellohello** _

 

_**Commander Eyebrows: hello children** _

 

_**Historia: hello !!** _

 

_**inthenameofscience: WAIT EREN'S IN THIS CHAT MY SWEET CHILD** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: im the one who fucking added you** _

 

_**gayer than gay: hello yes im literally the gayest piece of freckled trash** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: what about marco** _

 

_**gayer than gay: NOBODY IS GAYER THAN  ME** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: what about reiner** _

 

_**gayer than gay: we possess the same amount of gayness.** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: fuck yeah** _

 

_**Commander Eyebrows: waitwaitwaitgoback** _

 

_**Commander Eyebrows: who's bertl, and why does he only /now/ look sexy** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: BERTIE IS MY SEXY HUNK OF MEAT** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: yes hello im bertholdt (also known as bert or bertl, or "bertie" to reiner) and i sweat a lot** _

 

_**Commander Eyebrows: you're sexy because you sweat a lot?? what** _

 

_**Historia: nononono he's not sexy bc he sweats a lot, right now he's sexy bc he's dressed as a woman** _

_**gayer than gay: "SEXY HUNK OF MEAT"** _

 

_**inthenameofscience: I WAS JUST GOING TO COMMENT ON THAT** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: yyes,, bertie is my SEXY HUNK OF MEAT,, what of it** _

 

_**Commander Eyebrows: my eyebrows and i shall be the judge of thAT "HISTORIA"** _

 

_**Historia: lmao k** _

 

_**Historia: [one image attached] ** _

 

_**inthenameofscience: WOW HE IS A REALLY GOOD LOOKING WOMAN** _

 

_**Commander Eyebrows: wOW** _

 

_**gayer than gay: you'd fuck that if he was an actual woman, wouldn't you?** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: excUSE ME** _

 

_**heichou: fuck that erwin's like a gay captain america** _

 

**_Commander Eyebrows: i would argue but i cannot tell a lie_ **

 

**_Jaeger bomb: LEVIIIII_ **

 

**_Jaeger bomb: wheN ARE YOU COMING HHOMEEEEE_ **

 

**_inthenameofscience: AW LEVI HE MISSES YOU_ **

 

**_THE GAY HULK: or he's just horny_ **

 

**_heichou: why_ **

 

**_Jaeger bomb: im lonely and princess really isnt good company_ **

 

**_gayer than gay: yeah but is /levi/ even good company_ **

 

**_MikASSa: eren's lonely ??_ **

 

**_MikASSa: im on my way_ **

 

**_MikASSa: don't feta eren, you wont be lonely for long_ **

 

**_Jaeger bomb: i wasn't "feta"ing_ **

 

**_Jaeger bomb: i wasn't even fretting_ **

 

**_MikASSa: pleasenopleaseno_ **

 

**_THE GAY HULK: DON'T FETA BERTL IM COMING TO YOUR AID_ **

 

**_Legout: wasn't there a star wars character called boba feta or something_ **

 

**_heichou: ITS BOBA FETT YOU UNEDUCATED SWINE_ **

 

**_Historia: ARMIN EVEN I KNOW THAT IT ISN'T BOBA /FETA/_ **

 

**_Legout: im sorry_ **

 

**_Legout: ive failed you all_ **

 

**_THE GAY HULK: go sit in the corner_ **

 

**_Legout: :(_ **

 

**_Legout: :( :(_ **

 

**_Bertl Turtle: dont cry armin_ **

 

**_gayer than gay: bertholdt fucking hoover dont you dare_ **

 

**_inthenameofscience: PLEASE CONTINUE_ **

 

**_Historia: ddONT_ **

 

**_Bertl Turtle: CRAFT_ **

 

**_gayer than gay: go sit in the corner with armin_ **

 

**_gayer than gay: PROTIP is the meme now_ **

 

**_Bertl Turtle: i cant sit in the corner_ **

 

**_Bertl Turtle: we're outside_ **

 

**_Bertl Turtle: stalking our friends on their date_ **

 

**_Potatoes FTW: thEY'RE GETTING UP TO LEAVE THE RESTAURANT ABORT ABORT_ **

 

**_THE GAY HULK: they just got there wtf_**

 

**_Bertl Turtle: ITS HARD TO RUN IN HEELS_ **

 

**_Potatoes FTW: im still surprised at how my clothes fit you_ **

 

**_Potatoes FTW: you're /really/ tall_ **

 

**_THE GAY HULK: and flexible ;)  
_ **

 

**_Potatoes FTW: ᘳ૦ઁل͜૦ઁᘰ_ **

****

**_gayer than gay: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT_ **

 

**_Potatoes FTW: it's a lenny_ **

 

**_gayer than gay: THATS NOT A FUCKING LENNY_ **

 

**_gayer than gay: /THIS/ IS A LENNY_ **

 

**_gayer than gay: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_ **

 

**_Potatoes FTW: oh_ **

 

**_THE GAY HULK: jean+marco are just walking around this is boring_ **

 

**_Commander Eyebrows: who're they_ **

 

**_gayer than gay: these two nerds_ **

 

**_gayer than gay: [one image attached]_ **

 

**_inthenameofscience: THEY'RE SWEET_ **

 

**_inthenameofscience: OOOOO ARE THEY ON A DATE_ **

 

**_Jaeger bomb: guY s mikasa brought annie round + she's still terrifying buT SHE'S PLAYING W/ THE DOG RLY NICELY_ **

 

**_Jaeger bomb: I THINK SHE LIKES ANIMALS_ **

 

**_Jaeger bomb: ITS KIND OF SWEET_ **

 

**_THE GAY HULK: picz pls_ **

 

**_Jaeger bomb: you sound like a 12 y/o asking for my NOODZ_ **

 

**_Jaeger bomb: but k_ **

 

**_Jaeger bomb: [one image attached]_ **

 

**_THE GAY HULK: reiner, jersey city, boy, 12 y/o, i like dick send nakey pics plz_ **

 

**_heichou: only im allowed to see eren's "NOODZ"_ **

 

**_THE GAY HULK: and only im allowed to see bertholdt's_ **

 

**_Historia: REINER THERE WAS A FREAKING CAR_ **

 

**_THE GAY HULK: THE VICTIM IS NEVER AT FAULT_ **

 

  _ **g**_ ** _ayer than gay: marco+jean just entered a diner_ **

 

**_Potatoes FTW: can we get some SALTY POTATO SNAKES_ **

 

**_THE GAY HULK: we're undercoVe R_ **

 

_**Potatoes FTW: ಠ_ಠ** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: can we just go home im tired + these heels kiLL** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: im tired too hahahahaahahahahaahahahletsgo** _

 

_**Historia: reiner literally just picked bert up bridal style and took off running** _

 

_**gayer than gay: what about their car** _

 

_**Historia: i think "tired" might be a codeword for something,, less innOce nt** _

 

_**gayer than gay: goals** _

 

_**Historia: ;-;** _

 

_**gayer than gay: after us, ofc** _

 

_**gayer than gay: hey historia** _

 

_**Historia: ??** _

 

_**gayer than gay: im "tired" too ;)  
** _

 

_**Historia: llets go home** _

 

_**Potatoes FTW: i guess our stalking is over :(** _

 

 _ **Legout: :(**_  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i honestly love writing this a little /too/ much


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which everyone becomes excited when JeanMarco do the dirty, and Erwin and Armin bond.

_**THE GAY HULK: THE GAYS ARE BACK IN THE APARTMENT** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: not me+bertl "the gays" but jean+marco "the gays"** _

 

_**gayer than gay: WAIT MARCO CAME BACK WITH HIM** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: THEY GONNA FUCK** _

 

_**Historia: whoa** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: whoa** _

 

_**Legout: whoa** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: whoa** _

 

_**sashtato: whoa** _

 

_**sashtato: (also I changed my nname u like)** _

 

_**Aang (C-dog): whoa** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: what ??  
** _

 

_**gayer than gay: you** _

 

_**gayer than gay: /swore/** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: I SWEAR ALL THE TIME** _

 

_**Historia: not in front of /us/ though** _

 

_**Historia: in front of reiner while you whack out your wangerflangers then yes you probably have** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: (he has)** _

 

**_gayer than gay: can we get back to the fact that my cousin is about to have sex with jean kirschtein_ **

 

**_sashtato: yesyesyes_ **

 

**_Nose Queen: jean hasn't had sex in like two years has he_ **

 

**_THE GAY HULK: not since he broke up with mina_ **

 

**_sashtato: i just sent jean like fifteen snapchats_ **

 

**_Jaeger bomb: why_ **

 

**_Jaeger bomb: its not like he's gonna quit what he's doing for a second like "oh wait sasha sent me a snapchat"_ **

 

**_sashtato: it's for /after/ he's done the do_ **

 

**_THE GAY HULK: who goes on their phone after sex_ **

 

**_Bertl Turtle: you do, reiner_ **

 

**_THE GAY HULK: tru_ **

 

**_Jaeger bomb: heichou probe me_ **

 

**_Aang (C-dog): whA T_ **

 

**_Jaeger bomb: SHITSHITSHIT_ **

 

**_Jaeger bomb: WRONG FUCKING CHAT_ **

 

**_heichou: i already "probed" you today, you thirsty brat_**

_**Nose Queen: why didn't you just say "fuck me"** _

 

**_Nose Queen: "probe me" is far, far more disturbing_ **

 

**_Nose Queen: i think mikasa's /shaking/_ **

 

**_Jaeger bomb: IM SORRY MIKA_ **

 

_**Jaeger bomb: also is that a no :(** _

 

**_heichou: was there a fucking "no" in my sentence_ **

 

**_Jaeger bomb: cYA LATER FUCKERS_ **

 

**_Legout: /technically/ you two are the "fuckers" bc you're fucking_ **

 

**_THE GAY HULK: also jeanmarco are the fuckers too_ **

 

**_sashtato: wait have they actually started fucking yet_ **

 

**_Bertl Turtle: christ considering the moans coming from the next room they're having their orgasms already_ **

 

**_Aang (C-dog): i fuckin bet they aren't half as bad as you+reiner tho_ **

 

**_gayer than gay: i bet they aren't even /a quarter/ as bad as them_ **

 

**_Historia: i bet they aren't even an /eighth/ as bad as reibert_ **

 

**_Legout: i bet they aren't even a /sixteenth/ as bad as them_ **

 

_**Commander Eyebrows: i've never even met any of them but i bet they aren't even a 32ndth as bad as this reiner and bertholdt** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: well, bertl, i guess we're that loud then** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: oh dear** _

 

_**gayer than gay: it's a wonder how jean valjean copes** _

 

_**Legout: isn't jean valjean the guy from les miserables** _

 

_**gayer than gay: I WAS TRYING SOMETHING** _

_**sashtato: jean will forever be our little jeanbo, not "jean valjean"** _

 

_**Aang (C-dog): tbh the only thing i want to know is whO THE FUCK IS TOPPING AND WHO THE FUCK IS BOTTOMING** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: well bert tends to bottom and i shove my dick up his ass** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: I THINK CONNIE MEANT WITH JEAN AND MARCO, REINER** _

 

_**Historia: thank you for that lovely mental image** _

 

_**gayer than gay: first "probe me" and now this** _

 

_**Legout: i wonder if bertl is sweating even more** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: IT'S A CONDITIO N** _

 

_**sashtato: yes, we know, it's your std** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: sweating 'till death** _

 

_**Commander Eyebrows: that's not ?? what that ?? means ??** _

 

_**Legout: it's an inside joke** _

 

_**Legout: ANYWAY,,** _

 

_**Legout: who do you think is bottoming/topping?** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: well, considering marco is the one who just moaned "fuck me", i think jean is topping** _

 

_**gayer than gay: MARCO ALWAYS TOLD ME HE WAS A TOP WHAT** _

 

_**Historia: ymir, me and your father have been keeping this from you for so long** _

 

_**Historia: and we think you should know** _

 

_**Historia: marco is not a top** _

 

_**Legout: we're sorry you had to find out this way** _

 

_**sashtato: we're all so sorry** _

 

_**gayer than gay: fuck** _

 

_**inthenameofscience: yes well done that is exactly what those jean and marco people are doing rn** _

 

_**gayer than gay: fuck you** _

 

_**Aang (C-dog):  you have historia for that** _

 

_**Historia: :((((** _

 

_**gayer than gay: hHhhH** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: THEY'RE FUCKING THEY'RE FUCKING THEY'RE FUCKING THEY'RE FUCKING THEY'RE FUCKING JEAN AND MARCO ARE HAVING SEX** _

 

_**sashtato: MY LITTLE JEANBO IS GROWING UP** _

 

_**Legout: FINALLY** _

 

_**Commander Eyebrows: LETS CELEBRATE** _

 

_**inthenameofscience: CEEEEEEEEEEEEELEBRATION TIME C'MON** _

 

_**MikASSa: WHEY** _

 

_**Nose Queen: whoop** _

 

**_Historia: yay !!_ **

 

_**gayer than gay: one of my best friends is fucking my cousin,, this day will go down in histor y** _

 

_**Aang (C-dog): JEAN IS GETTIN' SOME** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: marco moans like a fucking /stripper/** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: only now have i ever truly realised how creaky jean's bed is** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: whoa it /is/ really creaky** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: i'll ask him to fix it tomorrow** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: im back what did i miss** _

 

_**heichou: i dont think eren even gave it a fucking minute before he was back on this shitty chat** _

 

_**sashtato: it's not "shitty"** _

 

_**sashtato: it's fantastically hilarious and marvelously gay** _

 

_**heichou: i can't argue that it's not gay** _

 

_**MikASSa: damn straight you cant agrue that it's noy gay** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: daMN MIKASA BACK AT IT AGAIN WITH THE TYPOS** _

 

_**Nose Queen: these are the bits of this chat that i loaf** _

 

_**MikASSa: my whole life is a fucking typo** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: you're just a typo w/ legs** _

 

_**MikASSa: thanks** _

 

_**MikASSa: ANYWAY,, basically marco is a bottom, jean tops, they're currently fucking and we learnt that bertl is also a bottom and reiner is a top** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: FINALLY KIRSCHTEIN GETS TO FUCK SOMEONE** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: and he's lost his gay virginity** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: he's joined us** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: HONESTLY MARCO MOANS LIKE A STRIPPER** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: sstop he's my colleague** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: wait is marco working tomorrow** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: yeah ??** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: you caN ASK HIM HOW JEAN WAS** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: oh god** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: okay i think they've stopped fucking** _

 

_**heichou: that's nice** _

 

_**gayer than gay: it's official. jean kirschtein fucked my cousin.** _

 

_**gayer than gay: jean has stuck his dick in a member of my family** _

 

_**Historia: that's nice sweetheart** _

 

_**Historia: can we go to bed now im rly tired** _

 

_**gayer than gay: sure** _

 

_**gayer than gay: i need to let it sink in that this is my fault** _

 

_**sashtato: c-DOG GET YO' ASS IN MY ROOM  NOW** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)** _

 

_**Nose Queen: "just friends"** _

 

_**Legout: yeah they're just friends** _

 

_**Aang (C-dog): THANK YOU** _

 

_**Legout: WITH BENEFITS** _

 

_**sashtato: WE'RE SERIOUSLY JUST FRIENDS** _

 

_**Nose Queen: you're not fooling anyone** _

 

_**MikASSa: annie turn off your goddamn phone** _

 

_**Legout: HAVEN'T YOU PEOPLE EVER HEARD OF TURNING OFF YOUR GODDAMN PHONE NO** _

 

_**Commander Eyebrows: forehead! and the replacements** _

 

_**Commander Eyebrows: I approve** _

 

_**Legout: IM LAUGJING SO HARD** _

 

_**Legout: "forehead! and the replacements"** _

 

_**Commander Eyebrows: hey** _

 

_**Commander Eyebrows: didn't i meet you once? the small one with the blonde hair?** _

 

**_Legout: that's me !!_ **

 

_**Legout: technically that could also be historia or annie too tho** _

 

_**Commander Eyebrows: i've only met you out of those three** _

 

_**Legout: so**_

 

_**Legout: forehead! and the replacements, eh?** _

 

_**Legout: what about my biological attraction?** _

 

_**Commander Eyebrows: if by that you mean mcr then yes** _

 

_**Legout: you're a True Emo™** _

 

_**Commander Eyebrows: IT'S NOT A PHASE, MOM** _

 

_**Commander Eyebrows: THIS IS THE REAL ME** _

 

_**Commander Eyebrows: though am i still a True Emo™ if i secretly listen to the shrek soundtrack when im alone?** _

 

_**Legout: I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE** _

 

_**Commander Eyebrows: HALLELUJAH** _

 

_**Legout: accidentally in love is the best song though just saying** _

 

_**Commander Eyebrows: i can't disagree** _

 

_**Legout: WHEY** _

 

_**Commander Eyebrows: personally i think all star is a little overrated? it's a great song and everything, but people give it too much credit** _

 

_**Legout: I AGREE COMPLETELY YES YES** _

 

_**Legout: they're both fantastic songs with amazing lyrics and catchy tunes, but one of them is slightly underrated while one of them is massively overrated** _

 

_**Commander Eyebrows: FINALLY SOMEONE WHO SHARES MY VIEWS ON THE SHREK SONGS** _

 

_**Legout: YES** _

 

_**Commander Eyebrows: dude what's your number we should totally get together** _

 

_**Commander Eyebrows: i mean to talk about the shrek songs more** _

 

_**Legout: i'll PM it to you !!** _

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM GOING TO MAKE ARMIN AND ERWIN HAPPEN AND NOBODY CAN STOP ME


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we find out that Sasha ships ArminxShrek, it's confirmed that she and Connie are in fact fuck buddies, I relate to Armin more than I should and Bertholdt wants to get married probably more than he should.

**_THE GAY HULK: ah, what a lovely sound to wake up to_ **

****

**_THE GAY HULK: marco shouting "shit!"_ **

****

**_THE GAY HULK: lovely_ **

****

**_gayer than gay: it's better than having bertholdt's fucking foot almost stuck up your nose because he has the fucking weirdEST SLEEPING POSITIONS_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: YOU CHOSE TO GO CAMPING WITH ME IN A SINGULAR TENT THAT WASNT MY FAULT_ **

****

**_gayer than gay: whose the fuck is it then_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: idk_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: but you cant blame it on me_ **

****

**_THE GAY HULK: it's a wonder how i survive_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: you chose this and now you have to put up with it_ **

****

**_THE GAY HULK: wouldn't trade it for anything !!_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: <3 _ **

****

**_heichou: they're so cute it's sickening._ **

****

**_heichou: not as cute as eren+i though_ **

****

**_heichou: nothing can compete with that_ **

****

**_sashtato: except maybe shrek and armin_ **

****

**_sashtato: man, that's a great ship_ **

****

**_Legout: what. the. fuck_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: iLL FIGHT YOU_ **

****

**_sashtato: COME AT ME BRO_ **

****

**_Aang (C-dog): you dare hurt her and i will eviscerate you_ **

****

**_gayer than gay: CONNIE KNOWS BIG WORDS IT'S A MIRACLE_ **

****

**_Aang (C-dog): fuk u_ **

****

**_Nose Queen: "not dating"_ **

****

**_Nose Queen: "you dare touch her and i will eviscerate you"_ **

****

**_MikASSa: well, those two sentences certainly beg to differ_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: wait sasha and connie aren't dating whaT THE ACTUAL FUCK_ **

****

**_sashtato: "casual fucking" is better to describe our relationship_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: wait so you're basically friends w/ benefits_ **

****

**_Aang (C-dog): /basically/_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: BUT I WANT YOU TO GET MARRIED_ **

****

**_Legout: we all do tbh_ **

****

**_Legout: almost as much as we want bert and reiner to_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: MAN_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: when are you guys going to stop being such a puSSY and grow some balls_ **

****

**_MikASSa: seriously dudes, when is it going to happen? i want to be a pretty bridesmaid already !!_ **

****

**_Legout: ^_ **

****

**_Legout: wait i dont want to be a bridesmaid though_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: i want to go to a weDDING_ **

****

**_heichou: you will soon enough_ **

****

**_heichou: patience, brat_ **

****

**_THE GAY HULK: we'll get married when we're ready._ **

****

**_THE GAY HULK: i for one am NOT ready_ **

****

**_THE GAY HULK: and i don't think bert is either_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: i really really am not_ **

****

**_MikASSa: :(_ **

  
**_MikASSa: also annie when are you going to at least /start/ bringing all ur shit over_ **

****

**_Nose Queen: today probably_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: you guys want any help lifting stuff?_ **

****

**_Nose Queen: i think we're okay_ **

****

**_THE GAY HULK: you sure? i mean im all free if you want help_ **

****

**_MikASSa: thanks for offering, reiner! we could really use the help, thank you!_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: HEY_ **

****

**_MikASSa: eren you have the strength of a two year old_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: fuck you bitch i have the strength of a moTHERFUCKING TITA N_ **

****

**_Nose Queen: suuuuuuuUuUUre_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: i mean i'd offer but im working_ **

****

**_MikASSa: it's okay; obviously you're our second choice, but levi's a good replacement too_ **

****

**_MikASSa: but annie and i are also fucking bRAWNY_ **

****

****

**_heichou: thanks for fucking asking me then_ **

****

**_MikASSa: levi, please can you help lift some stuff?_ **

****

**_heichou: it's not like i have anything better to do anyway_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: UM_ **

****

**_Nose Queen: you're working anyway_ **

****

**_Legout: awh id come along but im not strong at all_ **

****

**_MikASSa: come along anyway_ **

****

**_MikASSa: it ought to be fun_ **

****

**_gayer than gay: ME AND HISTORIA ARE COMING TOO_ **

****

**_gayer than gay: WE'LL BRING THE BOOZE_ **

****

**_Legout: wait annie what's happening to your apartment has your lease ended or something_ **

****

**_Nose Queen: nah_ **

****

**_Nose Queen: but it's okay - hitch's got it_ **

****

**_Nose Queen: she said she wanted to move in with her boyfriend anyway_ **

****

**_MikASSa: that marlo guy?_ **

**_Nose Queen: unfortunately_ **

****

**_MikASSa: and it's going to be like the middle of the day do we actually need booze_ **

****

**_gayer than gay: always_ **

****

**_Historia: ymir has too much "party" beer everywhere_ **

****

**_Historia: it's cheap and disgusting and bleagh_ **

****

**_gayer than gay: i need to get rid of it_ **

****

**_gayer than gay: quickly_ **

****

**_heichou: eren shUT THE FUCK UP i dont need to be hearing fucking blur at like 7:30am_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: yes you do_ **

****

**_THE GAY HULK: i honestly wish i woke up to blur rather than marco_ **

****

**_heichou: they're not even good_ **

****

**_THE GAY HULK: HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT_ **

****

**_Captain Eyebrows: waitwaitwait what song is it_ **

****

**_Captain Eyebrows: some are great while others are just meh_ **

****

**_Legout: parklife, for example, is one of their greats, while i think tender is not_ **

****

**_heichou: i dont fucking know what it is but it goes like woOOoOoOohOoOoO_ **

****

**_MikASSa: is it just me or did levi ackerman literally just type "woOOoOoOohOoOoO" and actually /send/ it to actual people_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: EXCUSE ME WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY BOYFRIEND_ **

****

**_heichou: i'm allowed to type something like that once in a while, brat_ **

****

**_Legout: THATS SONG 2 YOU FFUCKING DUMBASS THAT IS LITERALLY THEIR  MOST FAMOUS SONG_ **

****

**_Legout: i sincerely apologise for calling you a dumbass, levi_ **

****

**_heichou: well fuck you_ **

****

**_MikASSa: "ffucking"_ **

****

**_Nose Queen: ?? it's just a typo_ **

****

**_MikASSa: ARE YOU ACTUALLY SIRIUS_ **

****

**_MikASSa: serious* fuCKING AUTO CORRECT_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: mikasa why did you suddenly bring up harry potter characters_ **

****

**_Captain Eyebrows: i've never read/watched any of harry potter_ **

****

**_Legout: WHAT_ **

****

**_MikASSa: WHAT_ **

****

**_sashtato: WHAT_ **

****

**_heichou: WHAT_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: WHAT_ **

****

**_THE GAY HULK: WHAT_ **

****

**_Nose Queen: WHAT_ **

****

**_Aang (C-dog): WHAT_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: WHAT_ **

****

**_gayer than gay: WHAT_ **

****

**_Historia: WHAT_ **

****

**_Legout: ERWIN WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR ADDRESS I AM BRINGING ALL THE MOVIES AND BOOKS TO YOUR HOME NOW_ **

****

**_Captain Eyebrows: WAIT WHAT_ **

****

**_Legout: OKAY I'M GATHERING EVERYTHING AND I'LL BE ON MY WAY_ **

****

**_Captain Eyebrows: I DIDNT EWVEN GIVE YOU MY ADDRESS YET WHAT THE FUCK_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: welcs ;)_ **

****

**_Captain Eyebrows: HANJI_ **

****

**_Captain Eyebrows: MY APARTMENT ISNT CLEAN AND IM NOT READ Y_ **

****

**_Legout: TOUGH_ **

****

**_Legout: YOU CANT GO THROUGH YOUR LIFE NOT READING ANY OF THE HP SERIES OR AT LEAST WATCHING THE MOVIES_ **

****

**_Legout: (although the books are lit !!)_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: erwin get ready for a very very /very/ long lecture on why drarry should've been canon_ **

****

**_Legout: COME ON EREN YOU COULD CUT THE SEXUAL TENSION BETWEEN DRACO AND HARRY WITH A FUCKING KNIFE_ **

****

**_Captain Eyebrows: who's draco what_ **

****

**_Nose Queen: draco malfoy ? aka a hot motherfucker who should've married harry potter instead of ron's sister_ **

****

**_MikASSa: idk,, i kinda think dramione is cooler than drarry,,_ **

****

**_THE GAY HULK: mikasa i dont think we can be friends anymore_ **

****

**_MikASSa: what_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: i was an adoptive brother to a /dramione/ shipper all this time ? i'm severly dissappointed in myself and my parents for letting this happen_ **

****

**_MikASSa: i just think that they'd be cuter that's all_ **

****

**_MikASSa: i mean,, draco malfoy isn't even /attractive/_ **

****

**_Legout: EXCUSE ME BITCH_ **

****

**_Legout: how is this_ **

**__ **

****

**_Legout: not_ **

**_ _ **

****

**_Legout: attractive_ **

**__ **

****

**_Legout: tom felton is literally perfect fITE ME_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: me^_ **

****

**_MikASSa: he's just not_ **

****

**_MikASSa: hot_ **

****

**_Captain Eyebrows: HE LOOKS LIKE A LITERAL ANGEL WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING ON ABOUT MIKASA_ **

****

**_Legout: and thus erwin's obsession with tom felton begins_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: wait where'd bertl go he hasnt spolen in ages_ **

****

**_ Private message with: Bertl Turtle _ **

****

**_Nose queen: bert?_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: ??_ **

****

**_Nose Queen: you've been gone a long while_ **

****

**_Nose Queen: are you okay_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: yeah._ **

****

**_Nose Queen: is it the marriage thing?_ **

**_Bertl Turtle: kinda_ **

****

**_Nose Queen: i thought you said that you /were/ ready_ **

****

**_Nose Queen: for marriage and shit_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: well yeah_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: i am_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: more than ready, in fact_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: but reiner's not_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: and that's okay_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: because i love him_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: and i believe that one day i will marry him_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: im adamant on that, actually_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: one day, when he's eventually ready, i will marry him_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: i dont care how long that takes_ **

****

**_Nose Queen: then why'd you say you're not?_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: i dont want reiner to freak out_ **

****

**_Nose Queen: what if he's never ready?_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: i'll love him still. he's still reiner; a last name and a ring doesn't define our love._ **

****

**_Nose Queen: but don't you want to get married?_ **

****

**_Nose Queen: be able to try and hold back your tears, say your vows as you fail miserably and they cascade down your face, seal your eternal love with a kiss as you finally become mr braun, or he finally becomes mr hoover?_ **

**_Nose Queen: dont you want to be able to laugh at a failed "best man" speech that one of your best friends make, slow dance to your favourite song as husbands?_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: of course! but it isn't essential_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: of course i want to finally see reiner braun cry, look down at my hand and remember "wow, im mr braun", slow dance and laugh as husbands._ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: obviously i want to smash cake into his face as it crinkles up with laughter and delight, say cliche but heartfelt vows_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: who doesn't want to go on a honeymoon filled with nothing but sweet kisses, love making and smiles that remind me "holy fuck im married!"_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: i want that_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: /so fucking much/_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: but if reiner isn't ready, it's okay. i don't need any of that. i just need his unconditional love._ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: i simply want to do that_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: a lot_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: probably more than that's good for me_ **

****

**_Nose Queen: and why can't you have it?_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: annie, what exactly are you trying to achieve by this?_ **

****

**_Nose Queen: i need you to fucking realize that yoU COULD FUCKING PROPOSE TO HIM_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: well yeah i could_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: but what if reiner were to turn me down?_ **

****

**_Nose Queen: GOD FUCKING OH MY GOD_ **

****

**_Nose Queen: he wouldn't turn you down_ **

****

**_Nose Queen: he'd be delighted, probably tackle you to the floor in a hug_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: i_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: i dont know_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: it's not even like we could afford it anyway_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: god, we can't even afford a decent apartment, let alone a wedding_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: before we get married, we're definitely buying an apartment._ **

****

**_Nose Queen: don't you want eternal love more than another shitty apartment?_ **

****

**_Nose Queen: besides, do you think jean could actually pay an entire rent by himself, what with him currently being unemployed?_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: that's another thing; jean. we cant do anything with him around. we love him and all (in a friendly way) but wouldn't it be awkward if reiner and i were married?_ **

****

**_Nose Queen: why would it be? you'd still be reiner and bertholdt_ **

****

**_Nose Queen: i think you're just scared_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: im not scared_ **

****

**_Nose Queen: or maybe you are. you're scared that if you dare change one thing at the moment, everything you've built, created and loved up to this point will shatter. your life will be ruined. the perfect casing around your life that ensures your happiness and love will be destroyed. think about it; right now, you've got a great job, a boyfriend who you love, a jean and an apartment. it doesn't matter that you have a jean, or that your apartment is somewhat shitty. it's home to you, and that won't change if you get married. take a chance. don't you want to know what will happen if you propose? reiner's had almost ten years to "be ready". if he's not ready now, he probably never will be. maybe he is ready, bert, but he doesn't know it. maybe your promise of eternal love will make him realise that he is ready._ **

 

**_Bertl Turtle: but what if he's seriously not ready?_ **

 

**_Nose Queen: take. a. chance._ **

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thomas Andrew Felton is literally perfect and nobody can convince me otherwise.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Bertholdt goes missing, there could be possible Harry Potter spoilers and actual proper writing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning - harry potter spoilers maybe idk

_**sashtato: ARMIN I FORGOT TO ASK YOU HOW YOUR DATE WAS** _

__

_**legout: iTS NOT A DDATE** _

__

_**Captain Eyebrows: what? i was under the impression that it was** _

__

_**legout: wwHAT** _

__

_**Captain Eyebrows: jk ;)** _

__

_**legout: please never say jk again** _

__

_**Captain Eyebrows: well sorry for trying to be "hip" and "down with the kidz"** _

__

_**sashtato: kidz** _

__

_**legout: we're not kidz and you're literally like seven/eight years older than us** _

__

_**Aang (C-dog): we're still kidz at heart** _

__

_**legout: well you and sasha certainly are** _

__

_**sashtato: i'd be slightly offended but honestly i cant argue with that** _

__

_**MikASSa: ANNIE'S OFFICIALLY MOVED IN HALLE-FUCKING-LUJAH** _

__

_**Nose Queen: whey** _

__

_**gayer than gay: iLL BRING THE DRINKS TO CELEBRATE** _

__

_**Historia: NO YMIR THEY DONT WANT ANY MORE BEER** _

__

_**gayer than gay: well fuck you** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: lol nope never in a million years** _

__

_**Historia: i'm sure you will later hun** _

__

_**gayer than gay: whHEY** _

__

_**gayer than gay: FUCK YOU REINER IM SO GETTING LAID TONIGHT WILE YOUR SAPPY LITTLE ASS WILL BE SAT ON YOUR SHITTY COUCH AND YOUR PENIS WILL BE UNTOUCHED** _

__

_**sashtato: he lives with bertl** _

__

_**sashtato: i can definitely assure you that reiner will, in fact, be getting laid tonight** _

__

_**Captain Eyebrows: ARMIN WGAT IS THIS SHIT** _

__

_**Captain Eyebrows: SIRIUS** _

__

_**Captain Eyebrows: NO** _

__

_**Legout: im guessing you're just finishing order of the phoenix then** _

__

_**Captain Eyebrows: REMUS' ONE TRUE L OVE** _

__

_**sashtato: erwin is a wolfstar shipper fuckin same dude** _

__

_**gayer than gay: wait didn't you watch all the hp movies yesterday** _

__

_**Legout: im making him read the books first** _

__

_**gayer than gay: AND HE'S ALREADY ALMOST ON THE SIXTH BOOK HOLY SHIT** _

__

_**Captain Eyebrows: armin didn't let me do anything but read yesterday** _

__

_**Legout: harry potter is an important part of everyone's life** _

__

_**sashtato: wait until you get to the next book oH BOY DID SNAPE LOSE MY RESPECT** _

__

_**Historia: but didn't snape do it on dumbledore's orders** _

__

_**Historia: or draco would've done it because he was originally assigned the task** _

__

_**Captain Eyebrows: wHAT HAPPENED** _

__

_**Legout: NO SPOILERS** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: well basically-** _

__

_**gayer than gay: REINER NO** _

__

_**sashtato: wait where's bertholdt he hasn't spoken yet** _

__

_**sashtato: is he with you** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: nah** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: he left for work before i even woke up this morning** _

__

_**sashtato: huh** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: also yesterday he seemed pretty spaced out/dodgy ?? idk** _

__

_**Nose Queen: really? why?** _

__

_**MikASSa: ANNIE GET OFF YOUR FUCKIN PHONE** _

__

_**Nose Queen: why** _

__

_**MikASSa: WWE WERE IN THE MIDLF OF SOMETHNG** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: goddamn it mikasa now is not the time to be bringing up wrestling** _

__

_**sashtato: TMI MIKASA** _

__

_**MikASSa: oh god fuck not that** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: is nobody even going to acknowledge me** _

__

_**MikASSa: we were making pancakes and ANNIE was supposed to be flipping them** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: PANCAKES IM IN IM COMING OVER NOW** _

__

_**heichou: get off your fucking phone and attend to your tedious dog** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: she's as much my dog as she is yours** _

__

_**Captain Eyebrows: princess isn't a dog** _

__

_**Captain Eyebrows: its a fuckin deMON** _

__

_**Legout: jean would agree on that** _

__

_**sashtato: i still can't believe that you named your dog that oh my gOd** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: that name is just dandy** _

__

_**Legout: jesus eren even i don't use that word** _

__

_**Historia: personally i loaf the name** _

__

_**MikASSa: no** _

__

_**Legout: yes** _

__

_**Legout: i loaf this joke** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: same tbh** _

__

_**Nose Queen: it shows our loaf and appreciation for mikasa's typing inability** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: gguys i can't reach bert this is fustrating hhhH** _

__

_**Nose Queen: jesus christ** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: do you know what could be wrong** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: honestly?** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: no fucking idea** _

__

_**MikASSa: it's okay annie just went out to find him** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: wait shouldn't i be the one doing that** _

__

_**Nose Queen: it's fine** _

__

_**gayer than gay: im actually concerned wow** _

__

_**gayer than gay: this is the longest in a chat bertl hasn't said anything** _

__

_**sashtato: my tol sweaty bean** _

__

_**Aang (C-dog): when will he come back from the war** _

__

_**sashtato: CONNIE'S BACK** _

__

_**Aang (C-dog): glad to know i was actually miSSED by someone for once** _

__

_**Captain Eyebrows: i hardly ever see you in this chat wow** _

__

_**Aang (C-dog): that's because nobody actually acknowledges my comEDY** _

__

_**Aang (C-dog): other than sasha** _

__

_**sashtato: ly bae** _

__

_**Aang (c-dog): ly2** _

__

_**Legout: *heavy breathing*** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: /otp/** _

__

_**heichou: are you and i not your otp** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: IM ALLOWED TO HAVE MORE THAN ONE** _

__

_**Historia: "/one/ true pairing"** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: ssHUT UP** _

__

_**MikASSa: "sshut"** _

 

_**gayer than gay: only your typos will catch on mikasa** _

__

_**MikASSa: fuck** _

__

_**Nose Queen: SHIT GUYS BERTHOLDT ISN'T AT WORK** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: WHAT** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: WHERE THE FUCK IS HE THEN** _

__

_**MikASSa: jesus im actually worried** _

__

_**Aang (C-dog): has bertholdt actually ever missed a day of work before when he wasn't sick** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: no** _

__

_**Nose Queen: RIGHT REINER WHERE DOES HE LIKE TO GO** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: sometimes to that cafe where eren works** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: but i've already been there today and he wasn't in there** _

__

_**sashtato: well maybe he was but he was hiding** _

__

_**Aang (C-dog): yeah but where would he hide he's like fucking slenderman** _

__

_**sashtato: tru** _

__

_**Nose Queen: right okay** _

__

_**Nose Queen: eren, are you at work right now?** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: not today but i know marco is** _

__

_**Nose Queen: okay reiner is jean in the house** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: jean?** _

__

_**Nose Queen: yes** _

__

_**Nose Queen: he can go down there and ask marco if bertholdt has been in at all today** _

__

_**Nose Queen: and you can stay in the apartment because he /may/ come home** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: i think jean's in the kitchen** _

__

_**MikASSa: okay someone add him in so he can tell us straight away** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb added: horseface into the chat** _

__

_**horseface: you called?** _

__

_**Nose Queen: go down to the cafe where marco works and ask him if bertholdt has been in at all today** _

__

_**horseface: why** _

__

_**Nose Queen: he left for work before you guys woke up but he's not actually /at/ work** _

__

_**horseface: i didn't even notice he was gone geez** _

__

_**MikASSa: what a great friend** _

__

_**horseface: um excuse you i am a perfect friend** _

__

_**horseface: but yeah ill go now** _

__

_**Nose Queen: thank you** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: "perfect friend" yeAH RIGHT** _

__

_**horseface: shut up** _

__

_**sashtato: wait where'd armin + erwin go** _

__

_**gayer than gay: probably sexting** _

__

_**sashtato: but armin's so /innocent/** _

__

_**gayer than gay: you never know** _

__

_**Legout: WE ARE NOT SEXTING I AM RIGHT HERE HELLO WE ARE NOT SEXTING** _

__

_**Legout: we were on the phone and i think he fell asleep though** _

__

_**sashtato: aw** _

__

_**heichou: i wonder if his eyebrows grow everytime he falls asleep** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: what** _

__

_**MikASSa: are we affecting levi** _

__

_**MikASSa: that wasn't very levi-ish either** _

__

_**heichou: it was a legitimate question** _

__

_**horseface: okay i asked marco and he said no** _

__

_**Nose Queen: okay thank you you can leave now** _

__

_**Nose Queen kicked horseface from the chat** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: do you think there could be anywhere else where bert could be?** _

__

_**Nose Queen: there is one more place** _

__

_**Nose Queen: but i'm not sure** _

__

_**Nose Queen: i'll go check** _

 

*******

 

It wasn't exactly what I'd call "fun" walking through seemingly endless streets in Jersey this early. 

 

(Well, it was 11am. It's still relatively early.)

 

However, I was determined to find Bertholdt, and that task could not and would not go unfinished. There was only two other possible options as to where he could be; his parents house or the park. And considering that his parents lived in Florida, I'd say the latter was probably more likely. I knew Bert always liked to go to the park or some shit whenever something was bugging him or he was nervous, and I had a feeling that it was to do with our little conversation the night prior. 

 

Seriously though, he was a slight bit of a wuss. I don't think he knows that taking chances could sometimes result in the best things. I mean, I didn't even like Mikasa before we went out, and now I'm living with her. 

 

Anyway, I grudgingly continued my trek to the park (unfortunately I didn't own a car and couldn't be asked to catch the subway or a bus, so I was stuck walking) and pulled my coat over my freezing body. It was cold, but fortunately not as cold as it could be. Seeing as it was almost midday, the streets were now buzzing with a colony of people, rushing around everywhere as if they had something important to do. I quickly pushed past them, trying to make my walk to the park slightly shorter; if I was out any longer in this fucking cold, I was sure that I'd freeze to death. 

 

When I (finally) got there, the park looked normal as always. Tall trees overlooked the frosted, wooden benches and people walked agonizingly slowly through. The park is very nice, I must admit, but people don't have to gawp at every single fucking tree. Just drag your children along; I don't particularly care about how fun it'd be to walk through. As I pushed through a few groups of people, I kept my face down, so if Bertholdt were to see me he wouldn't straight away think, "Oh here's Annie! Let's run so she doesn't kick my fucking face in!"

 

Of course, I'd never fully hurt Bert, but maybe a knee to his stomach would knock some sense into him. What is he doing anyway, running off and skiving work? Does he not realise that his boyfriend would be worried sick, let alone all his friends? 

 

I walked around for a short while before I caught a glimpse of an abnormally tall man with black hair sitting on a bench, sitting quietly and looking somewhat nervously at his lap. Sitting on the bench next to him, I said, "So, here huh?" 

 

His head snapped up at the sudden voice as he smiled sheepishly and the beads of sweat on his face glistened in the cold sun. He nodded slightly and exhaled, wisps of cloud forming where he'd just breathed. "I like it here. It's always quite nice," he replied.

 

"Reiner's worried. So is Mikasa. And literally everyone, I suppose," I told him.

 

"I know. And I'm sorry, I just- I don't think I can do this."

 

"Do what?"

 

"Propose."

 

I'm sure my eyes widened and got brighter, and, I swear, the smallest smile made its way onto my face. "Propose, huh? So you're actually going to do it?"

 

"I even got a ring," he said, pulling out a small, blue, velvet box from his coat pocket. "I hope to do it sometime this week, maybe."

 

"You'd fucking better, or I swear, I fucking swear, Bertholdt Hoover, that I will do it myself."


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there's a proposal, an almost-proposal and a shitload of fangirling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GET READY KIDS

_**Private chat with: Nose Queen**_

__

_**Bertl Turtle: annie** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: okay** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: im going to do it** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: im going to propose** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: /tonight/** _

__

_**Nose Queen: WHAT SERIOUSLY** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: yeah** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: im so fucking nervous and im at least about twelve hours away** _

__

_**Nose Queen: WHERE** _

__

_**Nose Queen: HOW** _

__

_**Nose Queen: WHY** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: idk where, the traditional way ?? and because 1. i want to and 2. you will literally beat the complete and utter crap out of me if i dont** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: im sweaTING SO MUCH OHMYG OD** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: i think my boss is actually concerned** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: and my boss is never concerned** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: about me at least** _

__

_**Nose Queen: when are you not sweating** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: it's my STD** _

__

_**Nose Queen: wait what** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: "sweating 'till death"** _

__

_**Nose Queen: that's really not what that means** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: I KNO W** _

__

_**Nose Queen: but OH MY GOD** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: hhhhHhH** _

__

_** Chat: The "Find Jean Kirschtein The Love of His Life" Cause ** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: guys bert left rly early again help** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: hmMmM** _

__

_**Historia: well has he gone missing again? or is he just at work?** _

_**Nose Queen: he's at work** _

__

_**Nose Queen: i just texted him** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: i wonder why he's been leaving so early lately** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: @ levi you little shit come back to me or i will literally throw princess in your face while you sleep** _

__

_**heichou: i hardly sleep though** _

__

_**heichou: good luck with that, brat** _

__

_**MikASSa: i'll help you with that eren** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: i ccAN DO THINGS MYSELF** _

__

_**MikASSa: what throw your dog in your boyfriend's face** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: um yes ???** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: i wouldn't mind a dog thrown in my face tbh** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: i fuckin love dogs** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: they're adorable** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: with their soft fur and little paws and big eyes just hhHh** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: just dogs** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: dogs in general** _

__

_**MikASSa: im kinda getting the feeling that you want a dog** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: very much yes** _

__

_**Legout: DOG IS SUCH A WEIRD WORD THOUGH** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: I WAS JUST ABOUT TO SAY THAT** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: but i wouldn't throw princess in levi's face i love her too much** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: and plus** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: i wouldnt really want to hurt levi** _

__

_**Historia: aw** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: nono not because i love him** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: just because he would literally get the worst revenge** _

__

_**heichou: excuse me** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: i mean i do love you** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: lots** _

__

_**heichou: hmmmm** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: I DO** _

__

_**heichou: and how will you prove that?** _

_**Jaeger bomb: i know what the correct response to this is but im not going to say it in fear of a replay of what happened before** _

__

_**Legout: JESUS THAT WAS SCARRING** _

__

_**Aang (C-dog): "heichou probe me"** _

_**Jaeger bomb: please no** _

__

_**MikASSa: fuckthisshitimout** _

__

_**Nose Queen: im still really confused as to why you said probe me instead of fuck me tbh ?? why** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: very /very/ long story that involves a whole lotta sex** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: IM ALL EARS** _

__

_**Captain Eyebrows: hanji no** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: hanji yES** _

__

__

_**sashtato: how** _

__

_**sashtato: sexuAL,,** _

__

_**Aang (C-dog): sasha get ur ass over to my apartment so we can have a free! marathon** _

__

_**Legout: isn't free! that anime with the gay dudes and the swimming and the abs?** _

__

_**sashtato: THEY'RE REALLY HOT** _

__

_**sashtato: ESPEICALLY RIN AND SOUSKE TBH** _

__

_**Captain Eyebrows: IT'S REALLY GOOD @ ARMIN WATCH IT** _

__

_**Legout: why** _

__

_**Captain Eyebrows: IT'S. AMAZING.** _

__

_**Captain Eyebrows: actually fuck it come over to my apartment and we'll watch it together** _

__

_**Legout: not gonna miss out on the chance to see you im on my way byE** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: armin and erwin have certainly been getting** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: close,,** _

__

_**sashtato: i dare say we should expect some heavily eyebrowed, blonde, intelligent babies soon?** _

_**Captain Eyebrows: what no** _

__

_**Captain Eyebrows: we are Just Friends™** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: yes but you totally want to fuck him** _

__

_**Captain Eyebrows: no because we are Just Friends™** _

__

_**Legout: erwin is right we are Just Friends™** _

__

_**gayer than gay: what like sasha and connie are Just Friends™** _

__

_**sashtato: no because connie+i are Just Friends™** _

__

_**Aang (C-dog): sasha is right we are Just Friends™** _

__

_**Legout: no me and erwin are Just Friends™ but /you/ guys like to pretend that you are Just Friends™** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: nonono none of you guys are Just Friends™** _

__

_**gayer than gay: it's like saying that me and historia are Just Friends™** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: or that levi and eren are Just Friends™** _

__

_**gayer than gay: and you can clearly see that these two couples are certainly not Just Friends™** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: and therefore you guys are not Just Friends™** _

__

_**Captain Eyebrows: but it's true we are Just Friends™** _

__

_**MikASSa:** _

_** ** _

__

_**MikASSa: EREN JAEGER WHAT IS THIS** _

__

_**sashtato: mikasa you ruined it :(** _

__

_**sashtato: WAIT WHAT** _

__

_**gayer than gay: OH MY GOD** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: LEVI FINALLY DID IT** _

__

_**Captain Eyebrows: WHY WAS I NOT AWARE OF THIS OMG** _

__

_**Legout: WAITWAITWAIT I BAGSY EREN'S BEST MAN** _

__

_**Aang (C-dog): WAIT FUCK THATS NOT FAIR I WANT TO BE JAEGER'S BEST MAN** _

__

_**Captain Eyebrows: I BAGSY LEVI'S THEN** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: NOOOOO** _

__

_**MikASSa: WHAT WILL THERE NOT BE BRIDESMAIDS** _

__

_**Legout: oh yeah** _

__

_**Legout: I BAGSY ONE OF EREN'S BRIDESMAIDS THEN** _

__

_**MikASSa: SAME** _

__

_**Historia: ME TOO** _

__

_**sashtato: ME THREE** _

__

_**heichou: calm the fuck down** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: we only just got engaged what** _

__

_**MikASSa: HOW DID HE PROPOSE** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: OH IT WAS REALLY SWEET** _

__

_**heichou: no** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: HE SAID HE WANTED TO DO IT THE WAY THAT WE MET SO HE DID IT OVER TEXT** _

__

_**heichou: no** _

__

_**sashtato: AW** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: AND HE SOUNDED REALLY AWKWARD AND HE SAID I LOVE YOU ABOUT 15 TIMES AND FUCK** _

__

_**heichou: n o** _

__

_**MikASSa: so levi can be capable of human things** _

__

_**heichou: shut it** _

__

_**Captain Eyebrows: EREN CAN WE SEE SCREENSHOTS** _

__

_**Legout: OOOOO YES** _

__

_**heichou: NO** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: of course, erwin !!** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb:** _

_** ** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb:** _

_** ** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb:** _

_** ** _

__

_**heichou: EREN NO** _

__

_**sashtato: THESE ARE SO CUTE** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb:** _

_** ** _

__

_**heichou: godammit eren** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb:** _

_** ** _

__

_**MikASSa: I DIDN'T THINK LEVI COULD EVER BE THAT SWEET** _

__

_**Commander Eyebrows: "i love you more than my old cat"** _

__

_**heichou: shut up** _

__

_**Commander Eyebrows: corporal snuffles would be devastated** _

__

_**gayer than gay: corporal snuffles** _

__

_**gayer than gay: c o r p o r a l s n u f f l e s** _

__

_**gayer than gay: C O R P O R A L S N U F F L E S** _

__

_**Historia: ymir cant stop laughing oh my god** _

__

_**Legout: NEITHER CAN I FUCKING HELL** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: when i first went back to levi's he was like "yo eren wait a min while i feed corporal snuffles" and i couldN'T STOP LAUGHING HE JUST FOUND ME IN HIS LIVING ROOM ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING UNCONTROLABLY** _

__

_**heichou: i wish i could say that he was exaggerating** _

__

_**sashtato: im naming my next cat corporal snuffles** _

__

_**Legout: NOT IF I GET A CAT BEFORE YOU** _

__

_**sashtato: FIGHT ME** _

__

_**Legout: COME AT ME** _

__

_**Legout: no but seriously i'm actually getting a cat** _

__

_**Legout: (erwin's helping me with the cat stuff)** _

__

_**gayer than gay: everyone's moving on with their life,, i mean** _

__

_**gayer than gay: jean finally started dating, mikannie moved in together, ereri just got engaged, i'm p sure armin and erwin started fucking, armin's getting a cat** _

__

_**gayer than gay: everything's changing** _

__

_**historia: for the better !!** _

_**Jaeger bomb: IM THINKING TO CELEBRATE EVERYTHING EVERYBODY SHOULD COME OVER TONIGHT (+ jean and marco ofc)** _

__

_**gayer than gay: sure** _

__

_**sashtato: why not** _

__

_**Legout: why the fuck not** _

__

_**Commander Eyebrows: ^^** _

_**inthenameofscinece: ALCOHOL YAY** _

__

_**Aang (C-dog): i'll be there** _

__

_** Jaeger bomb added: horseface and freckles to the chat ** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: yo guys we're getting drunk at mine+levi's apartment in a bit b there or b square** _

__

_**horseface: ugh fine** _

__

_**freckles: jean play nice** _

__

_**freckles: but yeah we'll be there ;)** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: k thanks be there at like 7** _

__

_** Jaeger bomb removed: horseface and freckles from the chat ** _

__

_**Historia: why don't you just keep them in the chat it'd be easier** _

__

_**gayer than gay: bc it's /the chat/** _

__

_**Nose Queen: me and mikasa will be there** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: k gr9 but what about reiner and bertl** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: helloyesitsmewewillbethere** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: okay thanks** _

__

_**heichou: excuse me** _

__

_**heichou: you didn't even ask me if we could have people over** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: shUT** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: okay everyone have a nice day cyA FUCKERS AT 7 SO WE CAN GET DRUN K** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is /by far/ the best, but /by far/ the one that took the longest time to write. it wasn't even the writing bit; it was the bloody pictures that took ages to make and download to my laptop and then download to imgur and the onto here honestly


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Bertholdt features significantly more, everyone shares their "coming out" stories and wedding planning.

_**Private chat**_ with: _ **Bertl Turtle**_

__

_**Nose Queen: BERTHOLDT HOOVER** _

__

_**Nose Queen: YOU PUSSY** _

__

_**Nose Queen: YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE GOING TO PROPOSE** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: well i /was/** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: but then**_ levi _ **proposed to**_ eren _ **and**_ i _ **didn't want to make it seem as if**_ i _ **was doing it just because /they/ were or because**_ i _ **wanted to "steal their thunder"**_

__

_**Nose Queen: for fucks sake** _

__

_**Nose Queen: okay bertl** _

__

_**Nose Queen: promise me one thing** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: okay** _

__

_**Nose Queen: promise me that you WILL propose to**_ reiner _ **by the end of this month**_

__

_**Bertl Turtle: um** _

__

_**Nose Queen: please?** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: alright** _

__

_**Nose Queen: you'd better or**_ i _ **will come over there and do it myself on your behalf**_

__

_**Bertl Turtle: oh fuck** _

__

_**Chat: The "Find Jean Kirschtein The Love Of His Life" Cause** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: PLANNING A WEDDING IS S O H ARD** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: (like ur dick)** _

__

sashtato _ **: didn't you just get engaged yesterday**_

__

_**Jaeger bomb: we want to have the wedding sooner bc**_ levi's _ **mom is sick in hospital and we want her to come to the wedding because she's such a good woman and aaa !!! she's so nice !!!**_

__

heichou _ **: she loves you too**_

__

_**Jaeger bomb:**_ i _ **knew already everyone does**_

__

sashtato _ **: well not /everyone/**_

__

_**Jaeger bomb: EXCUSE ME** _

__

sashtato _ **: NONONO**_

__

sashtato _ **: PERSONALLY I LOVE YOU**_

__

sashtato _ **: I MEANT THAT ASSHOLE ON THE SUBWAY ON THURSDAY**_

__

_**Jaeger bomb: even he loves me deep down** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: deep like my**_ dic _ **k in**_ bertholdt's _ **ass**_

__

_**Historia:**_ reiner _ **no**_

__

_**Historia: by the**_ way ymir's _ **ghosting this chat**_

__

_**Historia: so get her to come out** _

__

_**gayer than gay:**_ i _ **already did in high school**_

__

_**gayer than gay: god that was a disaster** _

__

_**gayer than gay:**_ i _ **tried to bake a cake that said "**_ swiggity _ **sway**_ im _ **gay" in icing on the top with like rainbow coloured**_

__

_**Jaeger bomb: oh my god right**_ mikasa _ **came out to my mom and was like "**_ carla im _ **v gay"**_

__

_**Jaeger bomb: and she was like "yay now**_ i _ **get to have two daughters-in-law"**_

__

_**Jaeger bomb: AND I SNORTED REALLY LOUDLY** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: and that's how**_ i _ **came out yippee**_

__

_**Historia:**_ i _ **came out because my parents caught me and**_ ymir _ **making out on my bed**_

__

_**gayer than gay: oh**_ jesus _ **christ**_

__

_**Historia: it turned out that they were making bets on me and my mum was just like "hAND THE MONEY OVER ROD"** _

__

_**gayer than gay: it was hilarious** _

__

_**gayer than gay:**_ historia _ **looked so shocked and then there was me beneath her laughing so much**_

__

_**Jaeger bomb: you weren't naked right** _

__

_**Historia: no only**_ ymir's _ **top three buttons were undone**_

__

_**gayer than gay: thank GOD** _

__

sashtato _ **: hey guys did u know that**_ ymir _ **calls**_ historia _ **"queen" and "your highness"**_

 _ **THE GAY HULK: aw**_ i _ **just call**_ bert _ **turtle and sweetheart sometimes (and**_ bertie _ **)**_

__

_**Jaeger bomb:**_ levi _ **calls me "brat"**_

__

_**Jaeger bomb:**_ hanji _ **calls me "mini titan" or "titan baby" and sometimes "rogue"**_

__

inthenameofscience _ **: you bet**_ i _ **do ;)**_

heichou _ **: hands off my man shitty glasses**_

__

inthenameofscience _ **: you know**_ i'd _ **never steal him from you**_

__

_**Bertl Turtle:**_ i _ **don't call**_ reiner _ **anything**_

__

_**THE GAY HULK: well yes you do** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: NO DON'T TELL THEM** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: "mon chou"** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: nO** _

__

heichou _ **: doesn't that mean "my cabbage"**_

__

_**Jaeger bomb: (**_ levi _ **speaks fluent french)**_

sashtato _ **: OoOh what a talented fiance you have there,**_ eren

__

_**Jaeger bomb: :)))))** _

__

sashtato _ **: but seriously**_

__

sashtato _ **: "my cabbage"**_

__

_**Bertl Turtle: we were in**_ france

__

_**Bertl Turtle:**_ i _ **was trying to be romantic**_

__

_**THE GAY HULK: key word: trying** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: shut up** _

__

_**gayer than gay: hey**_ eren

__

_**gayer than gay: you should call**_ levi

__

_**gayer than gay: "mon râleur"** _

__

heichou _ **: fuck off**_

__

_**Jaeger bomb:**_ leviiiiii _ **what does that mean**_

__

heichou _ **: "my grumpy" or "my complainer"**_

__

_**Jaeger bomb: that's amazing wow** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb:**_ im _ **so calling you that now, mon râleur ;)**_

__

heichou _ **: oh for fucks sake**_

__

_**gayer than gay: is there one that means "angry midget"** _

__

heichou _ **: this is cyberbullying**_

__

_**THE GAY HULK: "mon**_ nain _ **en colère"**_

__

_**Bertl Turtle:**_ i _ **didn't know you speak french??**_

_**THE GAY HULK: google translate, honey** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: oh yeah** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: that's not as good as mon râleur though** _

__

heichou _ **: that's going to stick isn't it**_

__

sashtato _ **: it already has**_

__

_**Jaeger bomb: hey**_ levi

__

_**Jaeger bomb: tu es mon plaisir quotidien** _

__

heichou _ **:**_ i'd _ **better be**_

__

_**THE GAY HULK: "you are my daily pleasure"** _

_**THE GAY HULK: um** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK:**_ bertholdt

__

_**Bertl Turtle:**_ dont _ **. you. dare**_

__

_**THE GAY HULK: tu es mon plaisir quotidien** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: o h my g o d** _

__

_**gayer than gay: HISTORIA TU ES MON**_ PLASISIR _ **QUOTIDIEN**_

__

_**Historia: why, thank you !!** _

__

sashtato _ **: guys**_ im laughinf _ **so**_ mcuh

__

_**MikASSa: "**_ laughinf _ **"**_

__

sashato ** _:_** connie's _ **crying over free! eternal summer**_

__

_**THE GAY HULK: FUCK I DID** _

__

sashtato _ **: no he's full on sobbing**_

__

sashtato _ **: [one video attached]**_

__

_**gayer than gay: THATS THE FUNNIEST THING IVE SEEN ALL DAY** _

__

_**gayer than gay: "har-haru and makoto-o are nnot going to-to be there next year at the s-swi-swwim club next y-year, sash, th-this isss thei-their last-last competition t-together"** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: this is my new favourite video** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: but**_ i _ **didn't  fully sob over free!**_ , i _ **sobbed over your lie in**_ april

__

_**THE GAY HULK: FUCK DON'T REMIND ME** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: he was even more of a wreck after finishing that than he was after the notebook** _

__

_**MikASSa: are we just ignoring**_ sashpa's _ **typos then**_

__

sashtato _ **: "**_ sashpa _ **"**_

 _ **Jaeger bomb: hey**_ sashpa

__

sashtato _ **: hey ern**_

__

_**MikASSa: no** _

__

Legout _ **: I SMELL MAKING FUN OF MIKASA**_

__

Legout _ **: I LOAF YOU**_ SASHPA _ **AND ERN**_

__

_**Jaeger bomb: LOAF YOU TOO ARMIN** _

__

sashpa _ **: MUCH LOAF**_

__

Legout _ **: oh my god**_

__

Legout _ **:**_ eren _ **at your wedding MAKE the priest say "dearly**_ beloafed _ **"**_

__

_**Jaeger bomb: OH MY FUCKING GOD YES** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: mon râleur we are so having someone say that at our wedding** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb:**_ wait _ **no**_

__

_**Jaeger bomb: WE'RE HAVING ARMIN MARRY US** _

__

heichou _ **: where's my say in this**_

__

_**Jaeger bomb: you wouldn't complain anyway** _

__

Legout _ **:**_ wait _ **what**_

__

_**Jaeger bomb:**_ armin _ **, will you officiate the**_ ereri _ **wedding?**_

__

Legout _ **: are you kidding me?**_

Legout _ **: of course!**_

__

_**Jaeger bomb: yay!** _

__

_**heichou: so we've got armin as the officator, erwin as my best man, (hopefully) sasha, mikasa, annie, historia,**_ hanji _ **and ymir as our bridesmaids, and who as /your/ best man?**_

__

_**Jaeger bomb: shit it was going to be**_ armin

__

_**Jaeger bomb: um** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: casually organising your wedding** _

__

sashpa _ **: YOU WANT ME TO BE A BRIDESMAID**_

__

sashpa _ **: YES**_

__

_**MikASSa: I'LL DEFINITELY BE A BRIDESMAID** _

__

_**gayer than gay: YES** _

__

_**Historia:**_ i'm _ **so honoured !!**_

__

_**Nose Queen: of course** _

__

inthenameofscience _ **: Y E S**_

__

_**Jaeger bomb: so those are our bridesmaids** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: i s t i l l n e e d a b e s t m a n** _

__

Legout _ **: how do you even decide**_

__

_**Jaeger bomb:**_ idk

__

Legout _ **: right**_

__

Legout _ **: other than me (obviously)**_

__

Legout _ **: who is your /best friend/**_

__

_**Jaeger bomb: well**_ mikasa

__

_**Jaeger bomb: but she's already a bridesmaid** _

__

Legout _ **: hmm**_

__

Legout _ **: okay**_ im _ **going to do this phoebe**_ buffay _ **style**_

__

Legout _ **: you've gotta answer these questions real fast, okay?**_

_**Jaeger bomb: right** _

__

Legout _ **: clear your mind**_

__

_**Jaeger bomb: pm**_ done

__

Legout _ **: okay then**_

__

Legout _ **: spaghetti or carbonara?**_

__

_**Jaeger bomb: spaghetti ;)** _

__

Legout _ **: the big bang theory or friends?**_

__

_**Jaeger bomb: friends** _

__

Legout _ **: spirited away or howl's moving castle?**_

__

_**Jaeger bomb: howl's moving castle** _

__

Legout _ **: fav chocolate?**_

__

_**Jaeger bomb: dark** _

__

Legout _ **: who do you want to be your best man?**_

__

_**Jaeger bomb: jean** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb:**_ wait _ **what**_

__

_**Historia: sorted !!** _

__

_**gayer than gay: so horseface is going to be your best man?** _

__

sashpa _ **: nice choice**_

__

_**Jaeger bomb: well okay then** _

__

heichou _ **: fucking finally**_

__

_**heichou: he's looked constipated for the past 10 minutes and it's /really/ not a good look on him** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: thanks mon râleur :))))))))))))))))))))))))))** _

__

heichou _ **: xoxo**_

__

_**heichou added: horseface to the chat** _

__

_**heichou: oi horse eren wants you to be his best man** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: LEV I** _

__

horseface _ **: what**_

__

_**heichou: can't you read?** _

__

_**horseface: i'm just shocked ??** _

_**horseface: um,, isn't armin going to be your best man?** _

_**Jaeger bomb: nah he's the officiator** _

__

_**horseface: well um okay then i guess ??** _

_**heichou: okay thank you bye-bye** _

__

_**horseface was removed from the chat** _

__

_**gayer than gay: at least that was sorted somewhat quickly** _

__

_**MikASSa: I JUST REALISED** _

__

_**MikASSa: JEAN'S GOING TO HAVE TO SAY  A SPEECH** _

__

_**Legout: THAT'S GOING TO BE HILARIOUS OMG** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: wait armin where's your fuck buddy today** _

__

_**Legout: erwin?** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: W HAT** _

__

_**Legout: ME AND ERWIN HAVE NOT HAD SEX** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: yet** _

__

_**gayer than gay: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)** _

__

_**Legout: no** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: ymir why** _

__

_**gayer than gay: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)   ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)** _


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the formal ereri engagement celebration dinner completely "sucks ass" (in Eren's words), Eren breaks his foot and there may be a slight Like Confession™.

**_Jaeger bomb: guys how do i tell my mom that this engagement dinner sucKS ASS_ **

****

**_sashpa: there is no way to tell her that_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: fuck me_ **

****

**_sashpa: id rather not_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: mikasa and annie are here too_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: it still SUCKS ASS_ **

****

**_sashpa: cilmb out a window_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: GOOD IDEA_ **

****

**_sashpa: finally !! an idea that is good that came from me !!_ **

****

**_heichou: EREN YOU FUCKING BRAT DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE ABANDON ME_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: cYA SWEETHEART_ **

****

**_heichou: oh my FUCKING GOD_ **

****

**_sashpa: looks like there will be no cummies for eren 2nite_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: WHAT_ **

****

**_heichou: F U C K O F F_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: :(_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: :(((((_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: omg i forgot that we live on the second floor_ **

****

**_heichou: tch_ **

****

**_heichou: it's not even that /high/_ **

****

**_Aang (C-dog): (unlike me)_ **

**_sashpa: relatable_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: i just wanna say goodbye to the love of my life_ **

****

**_heichou: bye brat_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: i meant princess smh_ **

****

**_heichou: excuse me_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: HERE GOES NOTHING_ **

****

**_MikASSa: EREN WHERE TEH FYUCK DID YOU FOIG_ **

****

**_sashpa: HOW CAN YOU MISSPELL GO IM LAUGHING SO MUCH_ **

****

**_MikASSa: was that eren screaming i heard omg_ **

****

**_heichou: eren_ **

****

**_heichou: EREN_ **

****

**_heichou: OI BRAT_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: that was not smart_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: 1. i smashed my phone :(_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: and i think i've broken my foot ??_ **

****

**_heichou: fucking hell_ **

****

**_sashpa: IM SO SORRY RIP EREN'S IPHONE_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: luckily i can still use the most important thing !!_ **

****

**_MikASSa: LEVI IS HE OKAY_ **

****

**_heichou: I HARVE NK FUKCIHNG CLUW IB RUNNUG DOWN THE3 STAors_ **

****

**_Nose queen: levi is worried this is a miracle_ **

****

**_Nose queen: he ran out the apartment shouting "EREN"_ **

****

**_sashpa: levi is becoming less levi-ish by the day_ **

****

**_MikASSa: i know omg_ **

****

**_heichou: I'M TAKING EREN TO THE HOSPITAL - MIKASA, TELL CARLA, GRISHA AND MY FATHER_ **

****

**_MikASSa: alright we'll be there asap_ **

****

**_sashpa: levi seems so worried this is my favourite chapter of all_ **

****

**_Nose queen: what_ **

****

**_sashpa: what_ **

****

**_MikASSA: "chapter"_ **

**_sashpa: imgonnagotoconnie'sbye_ **

****

**_Aang (C-dog): okay then_ **

****

**_THE GAY HULK: apparently eren's hurt ??_ **

****

**_MikASSa: he jumped out a window_ **

****

**_THE GAY HULK: smart_ **

****

**_Captain Eyebrows: was he perhaps jumping off the second floor,,_ **

****

**_MikASSa: you already lnew that_ **

****

**_Captain Eyebrows: i was trying to make a refereNce_ **

****

**_Legout: mcr references with erwin™_ **

****

**_Captain Eyebrows: ayyyyyyy_ **

****

**_Legout: ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy_ **

****

**_Captain Eyebrows: ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy_ **

****

**_sashpa: guys stop flirting omg_ **

****

**_Legout: W E A R E N O T F L I R T I N G_ **

****

**_MikASSa: k we are at the hosp_ **

****

**_sashpa: wtf is a hosp_ **

****

**_MikASSa: a hospital_ **

****

**_MikASSa: i was trying something new_ **

****

**_Legout: never try something new again omg_ **

****

**_Captain Eyebrows: pls Mikasa_ **

****

**_MikASSa: shouldn't this chat just be called "cyberbully Mikasa"_ **

****

**_Legout: idk probably_ **

****

**_MikASSa changed the group name to: cyberbully Mikasa_ **

****

**_Legout changed the group name to: The "Find Jean Kirschtein the loaf of his life" Cause_ **

****

**_Legout: I DIDN'T SAY CHANGE THE NAME_ **

****

**_MikASSa: uGh_ **

****

**_Legout: @ levi what is happening with the Eren Situation™_ **

****

**_heichou: he's getting checked out by a doctor_ **

****

**_Legout: daMn that was quick_ **

****

**_Captain Eyebrows: (un)fortunately hanji works at the hospital and levi was like "whooooAA let me see dr handjob fuckers"_ **

****

**_MikASSa: that is literally the cringiest thing you have EVER SAID_ **

****

**_Captain Eyebrows: I was trying to be Hip™_ **

****

**_Legout: bRB_ **

****

**_Captain Eyebrows: NO ARMIN DONT LEAVE ME_ **

****

**_MikASSa: Needy Boyfriend™_ **

****

**_Captain Eyebrows: I AM NOT A NEEDY BOYFRIEND™_ **

****

**_MikASSa: WINMIN IS FUVCKING RE AL_ **

****

**_Captain Eyebrows: NONONO FUCK WE ARE NOT DATING_ **

****

**_MikASSa: yes u are u Needy Boyfriend™_ **

****

**_Captain Eyebrows: if we are not dating i cannot be a Needy Boyfriend™_ **

****

**_MikASSa: but you wish you /were/_ **

****

**_Captain Eyebrows: i'd honestly love to say that it isn't true but fuck i think i'd be lying_ **

****

**_MikASSa: WHOA I WAS EXPECTING YOU TO DENY IT_ **

****

**_MikASSa: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK_ **

****

**_heichou: eren update: he has in fact got a bimalleolar fracture_ **

****

**_MiKASSa: ERWIN IS IN LOVE WITH ARMIN_ **

****

**_heichou: fucking hell_ **

****

**_Captain Eyebrows: I AM NOT IN LOVE BUT I DO STONGLY LIKE HIM_ **

****

**_heichou: you fall in love too fucking easily_ **

****

**_Captain Eyebrows: I LIKE HIM THAT IS ALL_ **

****

**_Legout: I AM BA CK_ **

 

**_Legout: OO ERWIN LIKES SOMEONE WHO_ **

 

**_ Captain Eyebrows deleted 1 of Captain Eyebrow's messages and 4 of MikASSa's messages from the chat. _ **

 

**_Legout: u meanie_ **

 

**_Captain Eyebrows: i have to go goodbye_ **

 

**_MikASSa: o dear_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am sorry that this took so long my children i have failed you  
> also,, idk if any of you may do this but before you stop reading or comment about the winmin in this chapter saying "OMG THAT'S PEDOPHILLIA !!111!1211!!!" please remember that this is a work of fiction  
> ALSO /please/ keep in mind that their ages are in fact altered in this story, so instead of erwin being like three times armin's age now there is like an 8-10 year difference between them (i honestly can't remember whoops) THANKS KIDS ;)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which it's shorter than Levi and Erwin and Armin have an argument.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm thinking about doing a spinoff ereri story bc ?? like idk  
> also at some point in this fic erwin's name got altered but im going with it

**_Private chat with: Captain Eyebrows_**

 

**_Legout: erwin_ **

 

**_Legout: where are yoU_ **

 

**_ Read, 15:20PM _ **

 

**_Legout: you haven't spoken to me for like 372782 days wyd_ **

 

**_Legout: ALSO_ **

 

**_Legout: who do you like im Very Curious™_ **

 

**_ Read, 15:23PM _ **

 

**_Legout: erwin seriously_ **

 

**_Legout: it tells me when you've read my messages why aren't you replying_ **

 

**_Legout: I haven't a fucking clue of what I've been doing wrong ?? I don't know why you're ignoring me and this is seriously starting to bug me_ **

 

**_ Read, 15:25PM _ **

 

**_Legout: oh come on erwin_ **

 

**_Legout: why are you ignoring me?_ **

 

**_Legout: are you just doing it for the sake of it or what_ **

 

**_Legout: erwin please_ **

 

**_ Read, 15:26PM _ **

 

**_Legout: please just reply_ **

 

**_ Read, 15:26PM _ **

 

**_Legout: you've been talking to everyone else_ **

 

**_Legout: but you won't reply to my texts and you bolted when i came round to visit eren while you were round_ **

 

**_Legout: please erwin just tell me what's happened_ **

 

**_Captain Eyebrows: it's none of your fucking business_ **

 

**_Legout: erwin tell me what i did_ **

 

**_Captain Eyebrows: go away armin. i don't want to talk right now._ **

 

**_Legout: well that's fucking rude_ **

 

_**Captain Eyebrows: please armin, just leave me alone.** _

 

_**Legout: why don't you want to talk to anyone?** _

 

**_Captain Eyebrows: leave me alone._ **

 

_**Legout: answer me.** _

 

_**Captain Eyebrows: i just don't want to talk to you.** _

 

**_(!) Legout: well fuck you too_  **

 

**_ We're sorry, but your message to Captain Eyebrows was unable to send. This user may have blocked you. _ **

 

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the group try to decipher the Winmin Problem™, Eren and Levi get some horrifying news and Bertholdt is a meme lord.

_**Jaeger bomb: armin's crying, eyebrows hasn't been on the chat for about 373749 years,, whAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON MAN** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: idk erwin doesn't seem** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: erwin** _

__

_**MikASSa: oh dear** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: !! mikasa !! you're always like a fucking detective what do you think is going on** _

__

_**heichou: well then mikasa** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: levi you're erwin's bffl what the fuCK is going on** _

__

_**MikASSa: well,,** _

__

_**MikASSa: basically,,** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: omg mikasa what did you do** _

__

_**heichou: mikasa was harassing erwin about his and armin's feelings for each other (which were totally obvious anyway, come on) and then made him realise that he does in fact want to fuck him and that he maybe loves him and whoop-de-fucking do he's being a pussy and not wanting to speak to armin because he's a ten-year-old girl** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: dayum** _

__

_**MikASSa: IM S ORRY** _

__

_**heichou: it's erwin's fault for being such a pussAY** _

__

_**MikASSa: i don't like when levi is funny turn him back tuRN HIM BACK** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: i think we're affecting him more than we realised oh dear** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: GIVE ME BACK MY BEST FRIEND WHAT THE FUC K** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: first the eyebrows question** _

__

_**heichou: that was a legitimate question** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: then the woOoOoOooOoOooOOOoo** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: now this** _

__

_**heichou: fuck you** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: if only** _

__

_**MikASSa: ew** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: hanji why did you ruin our sex life so** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: it's just recommended** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: dw in another 12 weeks you'll be right as reign and able to fuck like bunnies again** _

__

_**heichou: TWELVE FUCKING WEEKS** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: YOU TOLD ME EIGHT WHAT THE FUCK** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: well,, unfortunately,, as it is a bimalleolar fracture you need it on for a bit longer ??** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: keep in mind that if you had broken the bones right through you would've needed surgery** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: T W E L V E W E E K S** _

__

_**heichou: oh my fucking god** _

__

_**MikASSa: im guessing you guys fuck regularly then** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: what did i just log into** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: LEVI AND I CAN'T FUCK FOR TWELVE WEEKS** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: well more eleven now if that makes you feel better** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: DAYUM SON** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: I AM NEVER BREAKING ANY BONE IN MY BODY WOW** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: anyway did you guys sort out the Winmin Problem™ yet because armin just turned up at our apartment sobbing and now jean, marco, bertl and i are sat on the couch trying to comfort him um** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: erwin is being a puSSAY (levi's words) because he realised that he might love armin** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: o shit** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: HERE COME DAT BOI** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: O SHIT WADDUP** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: I DIDN'T EVEN SEE YOU TAKE OUT YOUR PHONE WHAT THE FUCK** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: why is bertholdt always the one to reference memes** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: he does it in irl conversations** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: idk what comes over him** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: i,, am the memelord** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: wow i'd never peg bertl for a meme expert** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: go back to sweet bertl omg** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: i h a v e n e v e r b e e n s w e e t b e r t l** _

 

_**MikASSa: WHAT THE FRUCK IS GOING ON** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: fruck** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: fruck** _

 

_**inthenameofscience: fruck** _

 

_**heichou: fruck** _

 

_**sashpa: fruck** _

 

_**Aang (C-dog): fruck** _

 

_**inthenameofscience: fruck** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: fruck** _

 

_**sashpa: fruck** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: fruck** _

 

_**heichou: fruck** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: fruck** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: fruck** _

 

_**Nose queen: fruck** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: fruck** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: fruck** _

 

_**sashpa: fruck** _

 

_**inthenameofscience: fruck** _

 

_**Aang (C-dog): fruck** _

 

_**sashpa: fruck** _

 

_**heichou: fruck** _

 

_**Nose queen: fruck** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: how many times have we said fruck frucking hell** _

 

_**MikASSa: i quit at liF e** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: me currently bc of my nON-EXISTENT SEX LIFE** _

 

_**heichou: ^** _

_**sashpa: sorry 'bout that** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: fuCK YOU SASH** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: wait actually no i cant because of my fruckin ankle** _

 

_**Nose queen: damn** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: i want to cr Y** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: don't cry** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: FRUCK EREN UNLEASHED THE BEAST** _

 

_**MikASSa: no** _

 

_**heichou: no** _

 

_**inthenameofscience: no** _

 

_**sashpa: no** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: C R A F T** _

 

_**Aang (C-dog): bertl the memelord has arrived** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: tbh i would've pegged connie for a meme lord** _

 

_**Aang (C-dog): ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)** _

 

_**Aang (C-dog): i,, am memelord jr** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: yes** _

 

_**Aang (C-dog): #forevermemelordz** _

 

_**MikASSa: thAJT IS LITERALLY THE CRINGIEST THING YOU'VE EVER SAID** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: frucking hell mikasa you went and frucking did it again** _

 

_**MikASSa: what** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: you made,,** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: a typo** _

 

_**MikASSa: NO** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when did this story get so many reads frucking hell


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Levi is a Mystery™, a new person is added and Jean is made Typo Extraordinaire Jr.

**_ Private chat with: Captain Eyebrows and heichou _ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: erwin ya donk wyd_ **

****

**_Captain Eyebrows: what_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: why the FUCK did you do that to smol coconut_ **

****

**_Captain Eyebrows: does it matter_ **

****

**_heichou: if you ever want to get laid then yes_ **

****

**_Captain Eyebrows: well fuck that_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: fruck*_ **

****

**_Captain Eyebrows: what_ **

****

**_heichou: you wouldn't know what it means because you're such a puSSAY_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: whoa_ **

****

**_Captain Eyebrows: whoa_ **

****

**_heichou: i frucking qui t_ **

****

**_ heichou has left the chat _ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: well then_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: ANYWAY_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: you should prolly go apologise to armin ??_ **

****

**_Captain Eyebrows: why_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: because you hurt him (and nobody knows why) and love him ??_ **

****

**_Captain Eyebrows: like very much*_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: then why did you hurt him wtf eyebrows_ **

****

**_Captain Eyebrows: because I've never been in love before and i don't know what to do ??_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: loveloveloVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE_ **

****

**_Captain Eyebrows: FUCK_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: wait_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: what about marie_ **

****

**_ Captain Eyebrows has left the chat _ **

**_inthenameofscience: o shit_ **

****

**_ The "Find Jean Kirschtein the Loaf of his Life" Cause _ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: swiggity-swag life's a drag_ **

****

**_sashpa: tell ME ABOUT IT_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: sasha it's a wednesday afternoon get bacK TO WORK_ **

****

**_sashpa: i left hannes in charge reLAX_ **

****

**_sashpa: anyway,, shouldn't you be planning your wedding ??_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: o shit prolly_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: but levi's at work o dear_ **

****

**_sashpa: what does levi even do_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: not eren_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: OI_ **

****

**_sashpa: seriously what does levi do i've known him for like three years and i still don't know_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: levi_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: is a Mystery™_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: frucking hell i barely know what he does and i've known him since middle school_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: I KNOW WHAT HE DOES H A SUCK IT_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: TELL ME_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: N O_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: we're getting side-tracked_ **

****

**_sashpa: you don't say_ **

****

**_sashpa: ANYWAY,, who do you think could help plan your wedding while levi is at work_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: jean??_ **

****

**_sashpa: *COUGH* *COUGH*_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: well you can help too_ **

****

**_sashpa: jean would be a good idea tho_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: alriGht_ **

****

**_ Jaeger bomb added horseface to the chat_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: THIS FEELS WEIRD_ **

****

**_sashpa: I KN OW_ **

****

**_horseface: what_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: IS THIS THE JEAN WHOSE NAME IS IN THE TITLE OF THIS CHAT_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: YES_ **

****

**_sashpa: HE WAS THE REASON FOR THIS CHAT_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: OOO_ **

****

**_horseface: what_ **

****

**_horseface: WAIT_ **

****

**_horseface: IS THIS HOW YOU GOT MARCO FOR ME_ **

****

**_sashpa: YES_ **

****

**_sashpa: HE WAS YMIR'S SUGGESTION_ **

****

**_gayer than gay: you summoned me_ **

****

**_gayer than gay: OH MY GOD HELLO JEAN_ **

****

**_Historia: HEY JEAN_ **

****

**_sashpa: aren't you guys on duty_ **

****

**_gayer than gay: it's our day off ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_ **

****

**_horseface: a n y w a y_ **

****

**_horseface: why am i her e_ **

****

**_gayer than gay: you should feel honoured_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: bc levi is at work wE GON' PLAN A WEDDING_ **

****

**_Historia: won't levi want to be a part of it ??_ **

**_Jaeger bomb: nothing /that/ big just like flowers and shit_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: bc we wanna do this shizzle as soon as we are able to fuck again_ **

****

**_horseface: finally going to lose your virginity, jaeger?_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: that insult doesn't work if you use it twice asshole_ **

****

**_sashpa: best man goals_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: ^^_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: so mini titan_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: which flowers were you thinking ??_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: idk_ **

****

**_horseface: that helps_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: oi_ **

****

**_horseface: alright, alright_ **

****

**_horseface: what are your favourite flowers ??_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: idk_ **

****

**_sashpa: you're so good at planning weddings, eren_ **

****

**_sashpa: right, what theme is your wedding? vintage? traditional?_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: LEVI AND I TALKED ABOUT THIS I ACTUALLY KNO W SOMETHING_ **

****

**_horseface: i'm impressed, jaeger_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: shut it, horseface_ **

****

**_gayer than gay: WAIT EREN SHOULDN'T YOU BE AT WORK_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: if you have not noticed i have a Broken Ankle™ i canoot make coffee_ **

****

**_horseface: we're GETTIN SIDETRACKLED_ **

****

**_Historia: SIDETRACKLED IM LAUGHINF_ **

****

**_gayer than gay: he's no mikasa but jean can be typo extraordinaire jr_ **

****

**_horseface: i am honoured_ **

****

**_horseface: WAIT BRB_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: my best man has abandoned me on wedding planning duty wow_ **

****

**_horseface: WHATS UP ASSHOLES IM BACK_ **

****

**_gayer than gay: did you just change your instagram bio to "jean kirschtein, typo extraordinaire jr"_ **

****

**_horseface: possibly_ **

****

**_sashpa: you'RE SUCH A NERD_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: we all are sasha_ **

****

**_sashpa: oh yeah_ **

****

**_sashpa: jeanbo is still a nerd_ **

****

**_horseface: oh my god i thought you forgot that nickname_ **

****

**_sashpa: I WILL NEV ER F OR G E T_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: wait was that from the time your mom forgot that sasha and connie were round and started serenading you from down the stairs like "jEAAAAAANNNNNBOOOOO, MY SWEET JEEEEAAAAAAAAANNNNNBOOOOOO"_ **

****

**_horseface: HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW YOU WEREN'T TH ER E_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: i know things, remember?_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: DID YOU JUST REFERENCE A FRERARD FIC IM OUT BYE_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: HANJI NO I NEED YOUR HELP_ **

****

**_horseface: oh yeah we should probably sort out the flowers ??_ **

****

**_gayer than gay: shame on you guys you got sidetrackled_ **

****

**_horseface: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_ **

****

**_horseface: them typos though ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_ **

****

**_sashpa:_ **

**_ _ **

****

**_gayer than gay: okay sasha what the FUCK_ **

****

**_sashpa: WRONG CHAT_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: iS THAT COLIN FIRTH IM SCREAMING_ **

****

**_horseface: COLIN FIRTH IS MY ONE AND ONLY_ **

****

**_gayer than gay: excu se me_ **

****

**_horseface: c o l i n f i r t h_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: he's got a point_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: i mean he's fifty-five but dayum i'd suck that_ **

****

**_heichou: excuse me_ **

****

**_gayer than gay: SINCE WHEN DID YOU GET HERE_ **

****

**_heichou: since you're an ass_ **

****

**_horseface: wow amazing levi that totally hurt her feelings_ **

****

**_heichou: why are you here fuck off_ **

****

**_Historia: i have so many gifs of colin fith yoU DONT UNDERSTAN D_ **

****

**_gayer than gay: she has MILLIONS_ **

****

**_horseface: omg_ **

****

**_horseface: please show us i need my daily dose of colin_ **

****

**_Historia:_ **

**_ _ **

****

**_Historia: LLLOOK AT HIS SMIL E_ **

****

**_horseface: AGH I KNOW HE'S FUCKING PERFECT_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: GUYS HUGH GRANT IS ALSO 55 WHAT THE FUCK_ **

****

**_heichou: seriously_ **

****

**_gayer than gay: what i do not get is how hugh grant looked like fuckin trash in 2001 but in 2002 he looked damn fine_ **

****

**_horseface: life's unanswerable questions_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: OH MY G OD RIGHT HAVE YOU GUYS EVER SEEN SINGLE MAN_ **

****

**_heichou: NEVER BRING THAT FUCKING MOVIE UP AGAIN_ **

****

**_Historia: YES IT'S SO SA D_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: LEVI SOBBED_ **

****

**_heichou: SSH UT UP_ **

****

**_horseface: LITERALLY EVERYONE SOBS AT THAT MOVIE JIM WAS SO CUTE AND SO WAS KENNY LIKE A G H AND THE FUCKING END SCENE WITH GEORGE WAS SO HEART-WRENCHINGLY BEAUTIFUL BUT SO MANY TEARS WERE SHED THROUGHOUT THE MOVIE_ **

****

**_Historia: I RE LA TE_ **

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOU GUYS' COMMENTS MAKE ME SMILE SO MUCH AW :')


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we find out the reason for Erwin's ass-being (is that a thing?).

**_ Private chat with: Jaeger bomb _ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: I THINK I'VE FINALLY DECIPHERED THE REASON FOR ERWIN'S ASS PHASE_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: ass phase_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: is that what we're calling it now_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: very much so ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: ANYWAY,,_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: before we get sidetrackled,,_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: I THINK I'VE GOT IT_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: TELL ME MORE_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: was that a reference_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: not oringinally but it seems I have made an Accidental Reference™_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: I DIDN'T KNOW THEY WERE A THING_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: dID YOU NOT_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: WE'RE GETTING SIDETRACKLED AGAIN_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: okayokayokay_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: so tell me_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: /why/ is erwin being a total asshole to armin_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: well you know the day we were "planning your wedding" but really weren't_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: how could i forget_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: well erwin and I had a conversation beforehand ??_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: and I asked him the reason for his ass-being_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: is that a thing_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: it is now_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: ANYWAY,,_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: I asked him why he was being such an asshole and he said because "he'd never been in love before"_ **

**_Jaeger bomb: oh_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: that's still not a valid reason tho u GH_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: shut up yaygirl there's more_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: o_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: k then_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: carry on_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: i don't know if you know this_ **

****

**_inthenameofsciecne: erwin's like ten years older than you right ??_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: I knew that_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: when did you meet levi again ??_ **

 

**_Jaeger bomb: i started talking to him in the february but i actually /met/ him on my twenty-first, i think_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: you didn't know marie then_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: who's marie ??_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: erwin's wife_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: erwin's been married ??_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: only once_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: anyway,,_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: i think she died in the january of the year you met levi_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: oh_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: erwin knew marie for most of his life i think_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: and they were hopelessly devoted to each other_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: when they had to go to college, they even went to england together to study abroad_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: and they got married pretty much a year after they graduated_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: but marie contracted cancer a few years later_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: and erwin just practically lost it when she died_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: he wouldn't sleep, eat, drink, go outside, anything_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: oh jesus_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: and when you started dating levi it got worse because he realised how in love you guys were and it just reminded him of him and marie_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: is that why i didn't met erwin until about a year after we started dating ??_ **

**_inthenameofscience: yep_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: but he was in love with marie for years_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: and erwin still suddenly remembers her sometimes and falls into a deep slump because that was the only person he ever loved_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: but he hasn't since he started talking to armin_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: and when he realised that he was falling in love with him_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: IN LOVE_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: i think erwin feels guilty for falling in love with armin so quickly after he met him and i don't think he thinks that's okay because he's still in love with marie even after like seven years ??? so that's why he's being such an ass_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: oh my god_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: i just want to hug erwin_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: and still kinda punch him for hurting armin_ **

****

**_inthenameofscience: what are we gonna do with this newly acquired information_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: tell armin_ ** ****


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Armin finds out.

_** Private chat with: Legout ** _

__

__

_**Jaeger bomb: armin** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: i gotta tell you something** _

__

_**Legout: what** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: also come back on the chat everyone misses you** _

__

_**Legout: i can't if erwin's on there** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: he's on there but he's not speaking so come the fuCK BACK ON MAN** _

__

_**Legout: eren, just tell me what you came to tell me** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: okay** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: so basically** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: hanji and i have figured outthe reason for erwin's ass-being** _

__

_**Legout: i don't care** _

__

_**Legout: keep out of it, eren** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: listen** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: how long have i known levi?** _

__

_**Legout: just over six years i think** _

__

_**Legout: your anniversary was in january, was it not?** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: o shit was it** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb; oh well** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: ANYWAY** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: i didn't meet erwin until like the april a year after levi and i met** _

 

_**Legout; i remember that** _

 

_**Legout: you were so worried that levi thought you'd embarrass him and that he didn't like you enough to meet his friends** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: dear gOD** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: anyway** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: but that was because marie died the january just before i started talking to levi** _

 

_**Legout: who's marie??** _

_**Jaeger bomb: she was erwin's wife** _

 

_**Legout: oh** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb; i don't know much about her other than what hanji told me, so all i basically know is they'd known each other since childhood, went abroad together to england to study at university and got married p much as soon as they graduated** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: but then marie contracted cancer and died** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: HOWEVER** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: erwin told hanji that the reason he was being a dick to you was because he'd never loved anyone before** _

 

_**Legout: what** _

 

_**Legout: WHA T** _

 

_**Legout: W H A T** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: and armin's back** _

 

_**Legout: ERWIN LOVES ME** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: yes** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: okay levi just commented "didn't the little tyke know that before"** _

 

_**Legout: please tell levi that i am not a small child, an unpleasant man, a mongrel nor someone from yorkshire and by those means his use of the word tyke was wrong** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: fuckin know it all** _

 

_**Legout: anyway ?? can we please get back ?? to the facts ??** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: certainly** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: but hanji was like what the fUCK erwin has been in love before and said "what about marie"** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: he didn't respond** _

 

_**Legout: oh** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: so hanji came to the conclusion that erwin was being an asshat because he was feeling guilty that he'd fell in love with you** _

 

_**Legout: hE FELL IN LOVE WITH ME** _

 

_**Legout: WHY THE FUCK DIDNT YOU TELL ME BEFORE YOU TYKE** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: thanks** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: and i /did/** _

 

_**Legout: NO YOU SAID THAT ERWIN LOVED ME YOU DIDNT SAY HE WAS /IN LOVE/ WITH ME** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: W H A T S T H E D I F F E R E N C E** _

 

_**Legout: loving someone is being more concerned and infatuated with someone, like they want the person, but being /in/ love is much different - the focus of the person who's in love with someone is that someone. they need that person. not want, /need/. loving someone who doesn't love you back can cause sadness, but that's certainly mild compared to being in love with someone who doesn't love you back. so in short, erwin is fucking in love with me, and i think i might be in love with him, but i've been a complete wreck this past week or so because, while i am /in love/ with him, i thought that he didn't even /love/ me.** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: is that why levi freaked when i said "im in love with you" because i thought it meant the same thing as "i love you"** _

 

_**Legout: probably** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: okay i just asked him and yes that is why he freaked out** _

 

_**Legout: can we get back to the fact that erwin is in love with me please** _

 

_**Legout: because i don't know what to do ???????** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: do what you heart desires ??** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: idk** _

 

_**Legout: wow you're so helpful** _

 

_**Legout: okay i feel like i should go to his and tell him that i know and that im in love with him too and that it's okay because marie would've wanted him to move on ???** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: idk** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: GhJKIUygbh tr43wq2ersdfghjn** _

 

_**Legout: what the fuck** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: levi tried to take my phone because apparently i am hopeless at this** _

 

_**Legout: you are** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: thanks man** _

 

_**Legout: no problem** _

 

_**Legout; okay i'm walking to erwin's apartment ?? um ?? what do i do ???** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: um** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: idk** _

 

_**Legout: ohmygOD i'll just have to figure it out mys elf** _

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you want to check out an extra to see what armin actually said (which most of you have probably read already whoops) you can click [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8050645/chapters/18442249) to read that in the extras book.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Eren and Levi are horny motherfuckers, WinMin is revealed and everyone finds out that Ymir and Bertholdt have been meme-ing behind their backs.

_**Jaeger bomb: @ hanji i have failed you** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: what** _

__

_**sashpa: smh eren what did you do** _

__

_**horseface: dayum what did jaeger fuck up this time** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: ur mom** _

__

_**horseface: i am oFFENDed,,** _

__

_**horseface: no but srsly what did you fuck up** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: i defied hanji's rules whoops** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: when the fuck did i give you /rules/** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: those rulEs,, related to my,, fracture,,** _

__

_**sashpa: EREN YOU HORNY MOTHERFUCKER** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: sasha knows what i'm on about** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: was it just like innocent handjobs or full on** _

__

_**horseface: i like how you said innocent** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: what do you think** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: idk im not creepy enough to watch you through a window or some shit** _

__

_**heichou: i fucking hope not** _

__

_**heichou: and by the way it was the latter** _

__

_**horseface: ew** _

__

_**sashpa: oo go eren get some** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: you guys literally only lasted like three and a half weeks smh** _

__

_**sashpa: that reminds me how is our little sinnamon roll doing** _

__

_**sashpa: not marco armin** _

__

_**horseface: I WASNT EVEN AWARE THAT MARCO WAS A SINNAMON ROLL W H A T** _

__

_**sashpa: he totally fuckin is** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: probably currently getting fucked by erwin idk** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: so armin told him?** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: last time i talked to him he was on his way to tell him** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: he would've called if it went badly by now anyways** _

__

_**horseface: okay who the fuck is erwin** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: i don't think you know him ?? he's tall and looks like captain america but less hot and different eyebrows** _

__

_**horseface: what does captain america look like again ??** _

__

_**sashpa: hot** _

__

_**sashpa: that's what he looks like** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb:** _

_**** _

__

_**horseface: thanks jaeger i just wanted to see chris evans' face for about the twentieth time today** _

__

_**sashpa: i actually swear you have a shrine for him in your bedroom** _

__

_**sashpa: you love him so much** _

__

_**sashpa; in college in your dorm everywhere it was like "captaIN AMERICA" or "buCKY BARNES" or "stuCKY" or "blaCK WIDOW" or "hawKEYE"** _

__

_**horseface: you are lying,, it was only the first three,,** _

__

_**sashpa: oh yeah it's levi who loves clint and natasha isn't it** _

__

_**heichou: they are both talented warriors** _

__

_**horseface: you sound like thor omg** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: nah he's not tall enough** _

__

_**sashpa: dayum** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: who is it who loves colin firth** _

__

_**sashpa: i don't know how he came into this conversation because unfortunately he is not in any marvel movies but everyone does** _

__

_**sashpa: we all love colin firth** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: and tom felton** _

__

_**horseface: and chris evans** _

__

_**sashpa: and sebastian stan (probably)** _

__

_**horseface: and sebastian stan (definitely)** _

__

_**sashpa: thought so** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: and ryan Reynolds** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: and pretty much every attractive actor to exist** _

__

_**Legout: wassup fuckers** _

__

_**sashpa: ARMIN** _

__

_**sashpa: MY SWEET SON** _

__

_**sashpa: HOW ARE YOU** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: ARMIN OH HOW I'VE MISSED YOU** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: yo** _

__

_**horseface: my friend** _

__

_**Legout: since when was jean here** _

__

_**horseface: since a week ago** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: so when you and erwin were being pussies** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: how is that anyway** _

__

_**Legout: fucking u n b e l i e v a b l e** _

__

_**Legout: what you were speaking about colin firth please continue** _

__

_**Legout: and you even mentioned sebastian stan hot damn** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: yes** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: hot damn indeed** _

__

_**sashpa: i agree** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: also armin have you got ordained yet** _

__

_**Legout: nno ?? why would i need to ??** _

__

_**Nose queen: so you can officiate the ereri wedding you ass** _

__

_**Legout: why hello annie** _

__

_**Legout: it's lovely to talk to you too** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: you need to get oradained ya donk** _

__

_**Legout: can you do it online** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: im pretty sure that's where i got ordained** _

__

_**Nose queen: yoU GOT ORDAINED** _

__

_**Nose queen: /when/** _

__

_**Nose queen: /why/** _

__

_**MikASSa: eren don't frucking hell her or i will literally stab you** _

__

_**horseface: NO CARRY ON I WANT TO HEAR THE STORY AGAIN** _

__

_**sashpa: IVE NEVER HEARD THIS OMG** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: well /basically/** _

__

_**MikASSa: ER N NNO** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: we were nineteen** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: and it was the summer** _

__

_**MikASSa: oh my gODD** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: and we'd planned a trip to las vegas** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: just me mikasa and armin** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: and a week or so before** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: i was bored outta my mind so i got ordained online for $60** _

__

_**horseface: you spent $60 dollars on something because you were bored** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: i was in no way willing to spend $130 dollars and the $60 dollar one was all you really needed** _

__

_**horseface: carry on** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: and mikasa got fuckin drunk out of her mind on one of the days** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: and stupidly** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: oh so stupidly** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: went up to this (drunk also) stranger and said "lolz wanna get married"** _

__

_**horseface: omg** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: but i didn't think she took into account that she's actually hot and that guy really, really was not so he kinda said "yeah sure"** _

__

_**MikASSa: i do not want to relive this** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: and mikasa didn't want to do it in a chapel** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: so she was like "erN WANNA MARRY US"** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: and so i did** _

__

_**Legout: i was the bridesmaid** _

__

_**MikASSa: i want to bury that memorh in a deep pitbull** _

__

_**Nose queen: im pretty sure that's illegal mikasa** _

__

_**horseface: pitbull im dying** _

__

_**MikASSa: it was a typo fuck you** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: waitwaitwait did you ever get divorced?** _

__

_**MikASSa: nah** _

__

_**MikASSa: however we never signed any papers ???** _

__

_**MikASSa: so ???** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: well then** _

__

_**Nose queen: wait if you got married by a minister but didn't sign any papers does that mean you're married or** _

__

_**MikASSa: quite frankly i don't care because i don't even remember his fruckin name** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: damn mika** _

__

_**gayer than gay: now, this is a story all about how my life got flipped-turned upside down and I'd like to take a minute just sit right there i'll tell you how i became the prince of a town called bel air in west philadelphia born and raised on the playground was where i spent most of my days chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool and all shootin some b-ball outside of the school when a couple of guys who were up to no good started making trouble in my neighbourhood i got in one little fight and my mom got scared she said 'you're movin' with your auntie and uncle in bel air' i begged and pleaded with her day after day but she packed my suit case and sent me on my way she gave me a kiss and then she gave me my ticket i put my walkman on and said, 'i might as well kick it'  first class, yo this is bad drinking orange juice out of a champagne glass is this what the people of bel-air living like? hmm this might be alright but wait I hear they're prissy, bourgeois, all that is this the type of place that they just send this cool cat? i don't think so i'll see when i get there i hope they're prepared for the prince of bel-air well, the plane landed and when i came out there was a dude who looked like a cop standing there with my name out i ain't trying to get arrested yet i just got here i sprang with the quickness like lightning, disappeared iwhistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror if anything i could say that this cab was rare but i thought 'nah, forget it' - 'yo, homes to bel air' i pulled up to the house about seven or eight and i yelled to the cabbie 'yo homes smell ya later' i looked at my kingdom i was finally there to sit on my throne as the prince of bel air now, this is a story all about how my life got flipped-turned upside down and I'd like to take a minute just sit right there i'll tell you how i became the prince of a town called bel air in west philadelphia born and raised on the playground was where i spent most of my days chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool and all shootin some b-ball outside of the school when a couple of guys who were up to no good started making trouble in my neighbourhood i got in one little fight and my mom got scared she said 'you're movin' with your auntie and uncle in bel air' i begged and pleaded with her day after day but she packed my suit case and sent me on my way she gave me a kiss and then she gave me my ticket i put my walkman on and said, 'i might as well kick it'  first class, yo this is bad drinking orange juice out of a champagne glass is this what the people of bel-air living like? hmm this might be alright but wait I hear they're prissy, bourgeois, all that is this the type of place that they just send this cool cat? i don't think so i'll see when i get there i hope they're prepared for the prince of bel-air well, the plane landed and when i came out there was a dude who looked like a cop standing there with my name out i ain't trying to get arrested yet i just got here i sprang with the quickness like lightning, disappeared iwhistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror if anything i could say that this cab was rare but i thought 'nah, forget it' - 'yo, homes to bel air' i pulled up to the house about seven or eight and i yelled to the cabbie 'yo homes smell ya later' i looked at my kingdom i was finally there to sit on my throne as the prince of bel air now, this is a story all about how my life got flipped-turned upside down and I'd like to take a minute just sit right there i'll tell you how i became the prince of a town called bel air in west philadelphia born and raised on the playground was where i spent most of my days chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool and all shootin some b-ball outside of the school when a couple of guys who were up to no good started making trouble in my neighbourhood i got in one little fight and my mom got scared she said 'you're movin' with your auntie and uncle in bel air' i begged and pleaded with her day after day but she packed my suit case and sent me on my way she gave me a kiss and then she gave me my ticket i put my walkman on and said, 'i might as well kick it'  first class, yo this is bad drinking orange juice out of a champagne glass is this what the people of bel-air living like? hmm this might be alright but wait I hear they're prissy, bourgeois, all that is this the type of place that they just send this cool cat? i don't think so i'll see when i get there i hope they're prepared for the prince of bel-air well, the plane landed and when i came out there was a dude who looked like a cop standing there with my name out i ain't trying to get arrested yet i just got here i sprang with the quickness like lightning, disappeared iwhistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror if anything i could say that this cab was rare but i thought 'nah, forget it' - 'yo, homes to bel air' i pulled up to the house about seven or eight and i yelled to the cabbie 'yo homes smell ya later' i looked at my kingdom i was finally there to sit on my throne as the prince of bel air now, this is a story all about how my life got flipped-turned upside down and I'd like to take a minute just sit right there i'll tell you how i became the prince of a town called bel air in west philadelphia born and raised on the playground was where i spent most of my days chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool and all shootin some b-ball outside of the school when a couple of guys who were up to no good started making trouble in my neighbourhood i got in one little fight and my mom got scared she said 'you're movin' with your auntie and uncle in bel air' i begged and pleaded with her day after day but she packed my suit case and sent me on my way she gave me a kiss and then she gave me my ticket i put my walkman on and said, 'i might as well kick it'  first class, yo this is bad drinking orange juice out of a champagne glass is this what the people of bel-air living like? hmm this might be alright but wait I hear they're prissy, bourgeois, all that is this the type of place that they just send this cool cat? i don't think so i'll see when i get there i hope they're prepared for the prince of bel-air well, the plane landed and when i came out there was a dude who looked like a cop standing there with my name out i ain't trying to get arrested yet i just got here i sprang with the quickness like lightning, disappeared iwhistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror if anything i could say that this cab was rare but i thought 'nah, forget it' - 'yo, homes to bel air' i pulled up to the house about seven or eight and i yelled to the cabbie 'yo homes smell ya later' i looked at my kingdom i was finally there to sit on my throne as the prince of bel air now, this is a story all about how my life got flipped-turned upside down and I'd like to take a minute just sit right there i'll tell you how i became the prince of a town called bel air in west philadelphia born and raised on the playground was where i spent most of my days chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool and all shootin some b-ball outside of the school when a couple of guys who were up to no good started making trouble in my neighbourhood i got in one little fight and my mom got scared she said 'you're movin' with your auntie and uncle in bel air' i begged and pleaded with her day after day but she packed my suit case and sent me on my way she gave me a kiss and then she gave me my ticket i put my walkman on and said, 'i might as well kick it'  first class, yo this is bad drinking orange juice out of a champagne glass is this what the people of bel-air living like? hmm this might be alright but wait I hear they're prissy, bourgeois, all that is this the type of place that they just send this cool cat? i don't think so i'll see when i get there i hope they're prepared for the prince of bel-air well, the plane landed and when i came out there was a dude who looked like a cop standing there with my name out i ain't trying to get arrested yet i just got here i sprang with the quickness like lightning, disappeared iwhistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror if anything i could say that this cab was rare but i thought 'nah, forget it' - 'yo, homes to bel air' i pulled up to the house about seven or eight and i yelled to the cabbie 'yo homes smell ya later' i looked at my kingdom i was finally there to sit on my throne as the prince of bel air now, this is a story all about how my life got flipped-turned upside down and I'd like to take a minute just sit right there i'll tell you how i became the prince of a town called bel air in west philadelphia born and raised on the playground was where i spent most of my days chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool and all shootin some b-ball outside of the school when a couple of guys who were up to no good started making trouble in my neighbourhood i got in one little fight and my mom got scared she said 'you're movin' with your auntie and uncle in bel air' i begged and pleaded with her day after day but she packed my suit case and sent me on my way she gave me a kiss and then she gave me my ticket i put my walkman on and said, 'i might as well kick it'  first class, yo this is bad drinking orange juice out of a champagne glass is this what the people of bel-air living like? hmm this might be alright but wait i hear they're prissy, bourgeois, all that is this the type of place that they just send this cool cat? i don't think so i'll see when i get there i hope they're prepared for the prince of bel-air well, the plane landed and when i came out there was a dude who looked like a cop standing there with my name out i ain't trying to get arrested yet i just got here i sprang with the quickness like lightning, disappeared iwhistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror if anything i could say that this cab was rare but i thought 'nah, forget it' - 'yo, homes to bel air' i pulled up to the house about seven or eight and i yelled to the cabbie 'yo homes smell ya later' i looked at my kingdom i was finally there to sit on my throne as the prince of bel air** _

__

_**horseface: YMIR OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK** _

__

_**gayer than gay: OH SHIT SORRY GUYS** _

__

_**Nose queen: what the f uck** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: I CANT BREATHE** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: is that the fresh prince of bel air theme tune omg** _

__

_**sashpa: im dY ING** _

__

_**MikASSa: omg** _

__

_**Legout: what the hell** _

__

_**gayer than gay: bertholdt was trying to out-meme me** _

__

_**sashpa: ah yes bertholdt the meme lord** _

__

_**horseface: smh ymir nobody can out-meme a memelord** _

__

_**Legout: wyd** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: yyOU HAVE A SEPERATE CHAT ??** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: I AM PERSONALLY OFFENDED** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: trAITORS** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: whoops** _

__

_**Nose queen: i am disappointed in you bertholdt shirley hoover** _

__

_**horseface: WAIT** _

__

_**horseface: B.S.H** _

__

_**horseface: OH MY GOD** _

__

_**gayer than gay: yOUR MIDDLE NAME IS SHIRLEY IM CRYING** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: brb going to kill mysel f** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: that is the best information i have received all day** _

__

_**MikASSa: that's even better than eren's vegas story omg** _

__

_**Nose queen: you bet your ass it is** _

__

_**gayer than gay: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS INFORAMATION** _

__

_**Legout: can we get back to the fact that bertl and ymir have been mEME-ING BEHIND OUR BACKS** _

__

_**horseface: smh** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: my memes need to be released** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: i cannot hold them captive** _

__

_**sashpa: release them here then smh** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: im disappointed in you, son** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: we'vE BEEN OVER THIS SON BUSINESS BE FOR E** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: it's official** _

__

_**inthenameifscience: bertholdt the memelord cannot keep his memes to himself** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: they must be frEE** _


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Bertoldt finally depussy-fies (or rather _Annie _does), Sasha discovers a miraculous breakthrough on Jean's computer (and it isn't porn) and horse abuse becomes a thing.__

**_ Private chat with: Bertl Turtle _ **

****

**_Nose queen: alright it's time for you to stop being a fuckin pussy_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: what_ **

****

**_Nose queen: come on meme queen_ **

****

**_Nose queen: you know what im on about_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle:_** wh ** _at_**

****

**_Nose queen: one word: proposal_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: o yeah shit_** i ** _totally forgot_**

****

**_Nose queen: i gave you longer than i was meant to because of the armin situation_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: ™_ **

****

**_Nose queen: ™ indeed_ **

****

**_Nose queen: anyway,,_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: i've been meaning to but idk how to_ **

****

**_Nose queen: you're literally fucking hopeless_** jesus ** _christ_**

****

**_Bertl Turtle: whoopsie_ **

****

**_Nose queen: you are at home now right?_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: yes_ **

****

**_Nose queen: is reiner w/ you ??_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: yes_ **

****

**_Nose queen: okay_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: annie why_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: annie_ **

****

**_(Read at 13:36)_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: ANN IE_ **

****

**_Nose queen: what did i say was going to happen if you didn't do it in time_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: what_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: OH FUCK_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: ANNIE NO_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: STO P_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: FUCK_ **

****

**_ The "find Jean Kirschtein the loaf of his life" cause _ **

****

**_Legout: yo kids_ **

****

**_Historia: ARMIN_ **

****

Legout ** _: HISTORIA_**

****

**_gayer than gay: ARMIN_ **

****

**_Legout: YMIR_ **

****

horseface ** _: ARMIN_**

****

**_Legout: no_ **

****

**_Captain Eyebrows: armin b nice_ **

****

horseface ** _: ^^_**

****

**_gayer than gay: horse abuse_ **

****

**_horseface:_ **

**_ _ **

****

**_horseface: when will it end_ **

****

**_Historia: that's the wrong way around smh_ **

****

horseface ** _: what_**

****

Legout ** _: we're abusing /you/_**

****

**_horseface: oh well_ **

****

horseface ** _:_** i ** _made it a long time ago_**

****

**_gayer than gay: omg_ **

****

**_gayer than gay: so you just made that_ **

****

**_horseface: yes_ **

****

**_gayer than gay: and had it on your camera roll for the perfect moment_ **

****

**_horseface: yes_ **

****

**_gayer than gay: omg why_ **

****

**_Captain Eyebrows: why the fuck /not/_ **

****

**_Legout: ^^_ **

****

**_Historia: you're the one who created horse abuse_** armin

****

**_Legout: i aM ALLOWED TO AGREE WITH MY BOYFRIEN D_ **

****

**_gayer than gay: HOW IS THAT GOING BY THE WAY_ **

****

**_Legout: great actually_ **

****

**_Captain Eyebrows: especially in some areas if you know what i mean ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_ **

****

Legout ** _: erwin no_**

****

**_Captain Eyebrows:_** erwin ** _yes_**

****

horseface ** _: also @_** sasha ** _can you get off my computer pls thanks_**

****

**_sashpa: jean one question_ **

****

horseface ** _: shoot_**

****

sashpa ** _: on your history why are there so many pages and google searches asking how to tell someone you're in love with them?_**

****

sashpa ** _: also should i be concerned about the amount of fanfiction you read_**

****

horseface ** _: oh dear_**

****

horseface ** _: /basically/_** im ** _totally in love with my boyfriend ok yeah_**

****

**_horseface: and yes probably_ **

****

horseface ** _:_** marco ** _says that_** i ** _should go to a fanfic rehab_**

****

**_gayer than gay: you'RE IN LOVE WITH MY COUSIN OHOHOHO_ **

****

**_Historia: ymir we set them up shut up_ **

****

Legout ** _:_** jeanmarco ** _4evz_**

****

horseface ** _: yes okay but how do you tell someone you're in love with them ?? like ??_**

****

**_sashpa: JEAN KIRSCHTEIN IN /LOVE/ ?_ **

****

**_sashpa: I NEVER THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD COME_ **

****

**_sashpa: ITS A BREAKTHROUGH_ **

****

**_Historia: WHEN DID YOU REALISE_ **

****

horseface ** _:_** idk ** _it was on_** thursday ** _and we were out at coney island bc_** marco ** _hadn't been there since he was a kid and it was only like 45 minutes away in his car and_** i ** _just watched him_** mesmired ** _by everything and talking so animatedly and enthusiastically_** i ** _was like "whoa_** i ** _never saw anything more beautiful" and was like "whoa_** i ** _think_** im ** _in love"_**

****

**_Legout: you're surprisingly calm about this jean_ **

****

horseface ** _: aren't i just full of surprises_**

****

**_sashpa: yes_ **

****

**_Historia: how do you think you should tell him_ **

****

horseface ** _:_** idk

****

**_THE GAY HULK: [one image attached]_ **

****

**_THE GAY HULK: so whats up with you guys_ **

****

**_Historia: rEINER BRAUN_** IS T ** _H A T A N E N G A G E M E N T R I N G_**

****

**_THE GAY HULK: you only just figured that out_ **

****

**_gayer than gay: EVERYONE'S GETTING ENGAGED OH MY GOD_ **

****

**_Historia: ymir dont you think about it_ **

****

**_gayer than gay: wasn't even going to_** babe

****

**_Historia: dont call me babe either omg_ **

****

**_gayer than gay: bab e ;;;;))))_ **

****

**_Historia: no_ **

****

**_sashpa: ANYWAY REINER HOW DID HE DO IT_ **

****

**_THE GAY HULK: well he didnt really do it_ **

****

**_THE GAY HULK: annie did on behalf of him_ **

****

**_Nose queen: you're welcome_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: she gave me like a month to do it and then extended it like two months but_** i didnt ** _propose so she did it_**

****

**_Legout: hot daMN thats a nice ring_ **

****

**_THE GAY HULK: fuck i know_ **

****

**_gayer than gay: imagine all the strippers bertl could've bought with that_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so the extras book is a thing ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
> 
> if you want to read the proposal scene you can read it [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8050645/chapters/18442249)
> 
> also yes the horse abuse thing is mine and the watermark on it is my old instagram name (i actually forgot why i mademit whoops)
> 
> my [tumblr](http://homotion.tumblr.com/)  
> my [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/skywa.lker/)


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Armin gets a cat, "BEASTIALITY" and forget Orange Is The New Black, because hairy Is the new Harley.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like connie isn't in this enough so get ready for a shitload of connie kids ;)))))

**_Aang (C-dog): im back bitches what did i miss_ **

****

**_heichou: nothing much_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: reiner and bertl got engaged_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: jean is in love with marco_ **

****

**_Aang (C-dog): first of all,, jeAN,, IN LOV E ???  u m_ **

****

**_Aang (C-dog): and ?? engAGE d ???_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: yes i am now Committed™_ **

****

**_Legout: t o d a y i s t h e d a y i g e t a c a t_ **

****

**_Aang (C-dog): I LEAVE THE CHAT FOR A WEEK_ **

****

**_Legout: C A T_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: ew no dogs ftw_ **

****

**_heichou: i loved corporal snuffles dearly but quite frankly princess is better although erwin thinks she's a rat on a lead_ **

****

**_Captain Eyebrows: SHE I S_ **

****

**_Legout: erwin when are you coming round i want a cat_ **

****

**_Captain Eyebrows: patience young grasshopper_ **

****

**_sashpa: i heard cat_ **

****

**_sashpa: where are you going_ **

****

**_sashpa: can i come_ **

****

**_Aang (C-dog): SASHA NO YOU DON'T NEED ONE_ **

****

**_sashpa: c a t_ **

****

**_sashpa: actually no fuck the cat_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: that is called bestiality sasha_ **

****

**_sashpa: i want a dog_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: b e a s t i a l i t y i s n o t o k a y_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: bertholdt has a point_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: BEASTIALITY_ **

****

**_Aang (C-dog): damnit sasha i told u not to do it again_ **

****

**_Legout: WHAT_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: B E A S T I A L I T Y_ **

****

**_Aang (C-dog): NOT THAT N OT THA T_ **

****

**_Legout: oh thank fuck_ **

****

**_Bertl Turtle: (beastiality)_ **

****

**_Aang (C-dog): no beastiality was involved it was just sasha running off to yours_ **

****

**_Legout: oh jesus_ **

****

**_Legout: SHES HERE WHAT THE FUCK_ **

****

**_sashpa: ;)))))))))))))))))))_ **

****

**_Aang (C-dog): YOU LIVE LIKE AGES AWAY HOW DID YOU GET THERE SO QUICKLY_ **

****

**_sashpa: i took your bike_ **

****

**_Aang (C-dog): OH FUCK_ **

****

**_Legout: sometimes i forget connie rides a harley_ **

****

**_MikASSa: remeber when i had a hairy_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: MIKASA THAT'S NOT EVEN CLOSE TO HARLEY OH YM GOD_ **

****

**_sashpa: hey connie your hairy is a smooth ride_ **

****

**_MikASSa: there goes my dignity_ **

****

**_Legout: ^ i relate_ **

****

**_sashpa: eRWIN HAS A MINI THATS S O C O O L_ **

****

**_Legout: ;)))))))))))))))))))))))))_ **

 

**_Bertl Turtle: frankly i'm most concerned about the fact that saSHA DOESNT KNOW HOW TO RIDE A MOTORCYCLE AND JUST RODE IT TO ARMIN'S_ **

 

**_Bertl Turtle: SHOULdNT SHE HAVE SOME SUPERVISION OR SOMETHING_ **

 

**_Legout: mom bertholdt to the rescue_ **

 

**_sashpa: connie taught me ages ago_ **

 

**_Nose Queen: mikasa had a harley ??_ **

 

**_Aang (C-dog): *hairy_ **

 

**_Nose Queen: that's sso hot_ **

 

**_Nose Queen: oh thanks connie_ **

 

**_Aang (C-dog): glad to be of assistance ;;))_ **

 

**_Jaeger bomb: mikasa totally rocked it_ **

 

**_Nose Queen: do you have any pictures ??_ **

 

**_Nose Queen: like i need them for research_ **

 

**_Aang (C-dog): "research"_ **

 

**_Bertl Turtle: you totally sure about that annie_ **

 

**_Nose Queen: shut the fuck up_ **

 

**_Jaeger bomb: i have quite a few actually_ **

 

**_Legout: SSEND TH EM_ **

 

**_Jaeger bomb: GLADLY_ **

 

**_Nose Queen: YES_ **

 

**_Jaeger bomb: [one image attached]_ **

 

**_Jaeger bomb: [one image attached]_ **

 

**_Jaeger bomb: [one image attached]_ **

 

**_heichou: holy shit i'm gay as fuck but holy fucking shit_ **

 

**_Jaeger bomb: L E V I_ **

 

**_Jaeger bomb: THAT IS YOUR SOON TO BE SISTER-IN-LAW_ **

 

**_heichou: you do it all the fucking time_ **

 

**_Jaeger bomb: good point_ **

 

**_Nose Queen: excuse me for a moment_ **

 

**_Bertl Turtle: fuck_ **

 

**_MikASSa: wow i look great_ **

 

**_sashpa: i relate to annie right now_ **

 

_**Aang (C-dog): everyone relates to annie right now** _

 

_**Aang (C-dog): like holy shit** _

 

_**Nose Queen: mikasa you look ?? stunNing on that hairy ?? like omg** _

 

_**Nose Queen: i knew you were hot (of course i did ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)) but woW** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: someone summoned me with a lenny** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: whoa mikasa sweet ride** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: that, my friends, is what is called "gay"** _

 

_**Legout: we were all just marvelling at mikasa's pure beauty on the hairy** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: i ?? dont ?? get ?? it ?? literally 3/4 of this chat is gay** _

 

_**sashpa: yeah but you're like super-gay** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: also hairy ?? isn't it a harley** _

 

_**Jaeger bomb: forget orange is the new black, because hairy is the new harley** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: WHAT HAVE I MISSED OH MY FUCKING GOD** _

 

_**heichou: just scroll up jesus christ** _

 

_**Legout: I AM OFF TPO GET A CAT** _

 

_**sashpa: i am sat in thr back of their car (although i called shotgun and it's totally unfair that armin gets to sit in the front)** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: erwin only favours armin because he can have sex with him** _

 

_**Legout: i would deny it but it's true** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: reiner do you only favour me bc of that** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: yes** _

 

_**THE GAY HULK: why do you think i put up with all of your sweatin G,,** _

 

_**Bertl Turtle: tru** _

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've just realised that the most unrealistic thing about this chat is the lack of stupid memes when bertholdt's not around
> 
> sorry i took so long btw i honestly just had too much stuff to do, and on top of that, could not be bothered
> 
> there is now an [extras book !!](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8050645/chapters/18442249)
> 
> my [tumblr](http://homotion.tumblr.com) is a complete mess of colin firth, stucky, attack on titan and harry potter so check it out  
> my [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/skywa.lker/)  
> and if you want to torture me go to my [wattpad](https://www.wattpad.com/user/homotion) to read the first (and utterly shitty) fics i ever wrote
> 
> beastitality


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [the jeanmarco scene nobody asked for](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8050645/chapters/18448000)   
> 

**_gayer than gay: wouldn't it be rly cool if we were just all characters in a story_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb:  what brought that thought on_ **

****

**_gayer than gay: life_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: wow_ **

****

**_Legout: is work that boring_ **

****

**_gayer than gay: honestly when is it not_ **

****

**_Legout: true_ **

****

**_gayer than gay: how's not working @ eren_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: boring_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: levi's at work like everyday now and i have nobody_ **

****

**_gayer than gay: at least you get time off_ **

****

**_gayer than gay: i don't think i've had a sick day in like two years_ **

****

**_Legout: seriously_ **

****

**_Legout: you've not even faked it or something_ **

****

**_gayer than gay: this is breaking ne WS,,_ **

****

**_gayer than gay: arm IN A R L ERT,, FAK I n G SICKN ESS,,_ **

****

**_Legout: i'm not that much of a goody goody_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: i beg to differ_ **

****

**_Legout: eren makes a good argument_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: i'm spamming levi's phone_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: care to help_ **

****

**_gayer than gay: IM ALWAYS A SLUT FOR ANNOYING LEVI_ **

****

**_Legout: won't he like rip my head off_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: HHE REPLIED_ **

****

**_gayer than gay: wow what did he say_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb:_ **

**_ _ **

****

**_Legout: WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME YOU TOUCHED HIS CLEANING STUFF_ **

****

**_Jaeger bomb: you don't need to know_ **

****

**_horseface: i am fuckled i a m f u c k l e d_ **

 

**_gayer than gay: goddamnit what did the gay boy do this time_ **

 

**_horseface: marco last night_ **

 

**_Jaeger bomb: OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH_ **

 

**_Legout: TURN DOWN FOR WHAT_ **

 

**_gayer than gay: MARCO IS MY COUSIN I DID NOT NEED TO K N O W_ **

 

**_horseface: anyway_ **

 

**_horseface: i am Royally Fucked™️_ **

 

**_Legout: how so_ **

 

**_gayer than gay: don't you mean FUCKLED_ **

 

**_Jaeger bomb: shut up i want to know what my boi did_ **

 

**_Legout: eren_ **

 

**_Jaeger bomb: yes my dear friend_ **

 

**_Legout: please never say "boi" again or i will clean and then FRAME Y O U_ **

 

**_Jaeger bomb: NO_ **

 

**_horseface: ANYWAY_ **

 

**_horseface: i am in deep i am in d e e p_ **

 

**_Jaeger bomb: (in marco's ass)_ **

 

**_horseface: SHUT UP EREN THIS IS NOT THE TIME_ **

 

**_Jaeger bomb: god fucking damnIT_ **

 

**_gayer than gay: i thought you realised that like,,, two weeks ago ???_ **

 

**_horseface: yes but i mean i really am in love with marco_ **

 

**_horseface: like a fuck tonne_ **

 

**_horseface: i really really really really REALLY love him_ **

 

**_Legout: how did you come to realise that you love him a fuck tonne_ **

 

**_horseface: we ?? were dancING ,,, ?? and like he was just so ??? AaAaAaaaaAAA ??? and,,, i love him ???,,_ **

 

**_Jaeger bomb: you were dancing jesus me and levi never even do that and we're like two fucking lovebirds_ **

 

**_gayer than gay: no you're not armin and erwin are_ **

 

**_Legout: ;)))))))))))))))))))_ **

 

**_Jaeger bomb: waitwait why were you dancing_ **

 

**_horseface: i was just over and we were putting on records and stuff and kind of just sitting together in silence and he asked me to change the record so i was like sure and i changed it and this song came on right and i was like "holy shit i LOVE this song" and he was like "holy shit me too" and i started walking back and swaying slightly to the music and he just jumped up and scared the shit out of me and was like "?? lets dance ??" so i was like "wheyheyhey sure thing bro" and i CANT DANCE but he was so nice and the lighting and the WINDOW and the MUSIC and JUST MARCO IN GENERAL_ **

 

**_gayer than gay: that was beautiful_ **

 

**_Legout: truly poetic_ **

 

**_Jaeger bomb: NO BUT THAT REALLY WAS BEAUTIFUL IM NOT EVEN BEING SARCASTIC_ **

 

**_Legout: eren are you crying_ **

 

**_Jaeger bomb: nnbo_ **

 

**_Legout: rly_ **

 

**_Jaeger bomb: HE LOVES HIM HOW CAN YOU N O T_ **


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The great "Who tops in the VictUuri relationship?" debate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'VE NOT UPDATED IN AGES IM SO SORRY
> 
> on the bright side of things i found a hilarious yuri!!! on ice texting au and omg you should all go and read it because it has seungchuchu and leoji and victuuri and fuckING EVERYTHING and it's absolutely perfect !! click [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8691349/chapters/19925938) to read it!

_**Jaeger bomb: ONLY A MONTH LEFT THANK FUCKING GOD** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: ?? what do you mean ?? it's a month until what ??** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: until i can get my cast off ?? hanji you're literally my doctor smh** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: OH** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: you could have had that off like a week and a half ago did i not tell you** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: what** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: are you serious** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: are you fucKING SE R I O U S** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: why would i lie ;))))** _

__

_**sashpa: damn eren's going to go into full titan mode** _

__

_**Captain Eyebrows: what's "titan mode" ?? i am confused** _

__

_**Legout: right you know how levi loses his complete fucking shit when someone cleans something wrong or doesn't do as they're supposed to** _

__

_**Captain Eyebrows: yes and i feel very sorry for the people who have to set up his wedding** _

__

_**Legout: eren sometimes goes like that** _

__

_**Legout: and it's fucking terrifying** _

__

_**Captain Eyebrows: nonono nO wait is he literally going to go ballistic at hanji tho** _

__

_**Legout: nah** _

__

_**Legout: he only goes like that when his fav sports team loses** _

__

_**Captain Eyebrows: EREN LIKES SPORT** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: i flucking love sports fight me** _

__

_**MikASSa: oh for christ's sake** _

__

_**sashpa: THE RETURN OF THE FLUCK** _

__

_**Legout: episode vi** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: sick reference bro ;)))))))))** _

_**Legout: ;)))))))))))))))))** _

__

_**MikASSa: can we pls just focus on the use of "sick"** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: i started off using it ironically and now im addicted** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: it's like drugs** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: or the yuri!!! on ice theme tune** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: THAT IS SO FUCKIN G TRUE** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: i made bertl watch it with me the other day** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: like the entire series** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: and now he's so far up yuuri katsuki's ass he's practically victor nikiforov** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: are you kidding me ??** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: victor is totally the uke** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: have you even seen yuuri's eros routine** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: but i just don't see yuuri topping** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: i would fucking hope you don't see anyone topping** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: it wouldn't be great news for me** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: but i agree with reiner @ hanji** _

__

_**Legout: ok i just googled the characters and the really hot one looks like he'd be the top** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: they're both hot specify which one you mean** _

__

_**Legout: tall, dark hair, tan, wears canadian attire ??** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: what** _

__

_**Legout:** _

_** ** _

__

_**Legout: him ??** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: YOU FUCKING MEATBALL THAT'S JJ** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: "you fucking meatball"** _

__

_**MikASSa: do i literally need to send you pictures of them because you have an inABILITY TO GOOGLE THE RIGHT CHARACTERS** _

__

_**Legout: IM S O R R Y** _

__

_**MikASSa: RIGHT THIS IS VICTOR** _

_** ** _

__

_**MikASSa: AND THIS IS YUURI** _

_** ** _

__

_**Legout: FUCK ME SIDEWAYS WITH A SPOON THEY'RE BOTH GORGEOUS** _

__

_**Legout: but i have to say the bottom one looks like a bottom ;)))** _

__

_**Legout: yuuri just looks to innocent to be a top** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: u sure about that** _

_** ** _

__

_**Legout: well fuck** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: yes but** _

_** ** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: doesn't he just give off the hella gay and top as fuck vibe** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: SHUT UP REINER** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: before, i wouldn't have thought that yuuri would be a seme but after that episode where he was like "dont take ur eyes off me bitch" i was like WOW DOMINANCE** _

__

_**MikASSa: I AGREE** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: i was just trying to get armin to think that yuuri wasn't innocent he's totally the bottom** _

__

_**Legout: ?? could i see them both together and then i will come to a decision ??** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: come like ur mom did last night** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: wheyyyyy** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: reiner shut up this is important** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: @ armin ur wish is my command ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle:** _

_**** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle:** _

_** ** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle:** _

_** ** _

__

_**THE GAY HULK: BERTHOLDT HOW MANY DO YOU NEED TO SEND** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: JUST ONE MORE** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle:** _

_** ** _

__

_**Legout: WAIT SHIT IS THAT A KISS** _

__

_**Legout: THEY'RE ACTUALLY CANON ??** _

__

_**inthenameofscience: and engaged ;)))))))** _

__

_**Legout: FUCK** _

__

_**Legout: but anyways oke silver wins he's the top go home other one ur the bottom** _

__

_**Jaeger bomb: suck it victor tops u hazelnutz** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: "hazelnutz"** _

__

_**The GAY HULK: bertl was that just an excuse to send your favourite moments in yuri!!! on ice** _

__

_**Bertl Turtle: ,,,,maybe** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IVE BEEN SCREAMING ABOUT YURI!!! ON ICE SINCE EPISODE FUCKING 12 AND THIS IS JUST AN EXCUSE TO DO STUFF ABOUT IT
> 
> also merry christmas ?? this update would have been more christmassy if i had started it today, but i started it like three weeks ago and never got around to complete it until very recently
> 
> anyway
> 
> merry christmas !!
> 
> in the next few days, there should be a few christmassy extras in the extras book (hopefully!)


End file.
